Acrobat

Final postcard from the DRC- 5

2011-07-04T20:19:00.005Z

So after 9 weeks in the DRC the adventure comes to an end this week. It has been some experience. Everyday has been a fight. It feels like we have worked constantly at the extremes of frustration/stress and fulfilment/success…no in between. Life to the full I suppose.

I can’t imagine there are many places in the world at an earlier stage of development and infrastructure. Nothing here is easy. Every morning I pray for grace and patience for the complete incompetency that we will invariably encounter during any given day! Incompetency and corruption is pervasive through the government, international NGOs and local organisations. Almost all are out to make a name for themselves and line their pockets. Every level of society here is corrupted. From the top of the government who pocket billion dollar contracts from India and China for minerals none of which reaches the people; to the army who have endless supplies of guns, rocket launchers and ammunition but are not paid; to schools where to pass exams in university, secondary or primary you have to bribe the teachers or have sex with them; to the churches where the pastors get rich and the sick stay poor; to every person you meet who feels you owe them money. Everyone is out for themselves and their family. There is little community or loyalty to tribe or country.

In the past this country has been brought to its knees by European colonisation and slavery, then raped and pillaged by its African neighbours. Now the government and rebel groups are tearing the place apart from inside. All for the love of money. The source of all Congo’s problems is its mineral resources. Nowhere is it more evident that ‘the love of money is the root of all evil’

Despite all of this I still kinda love the place!!

At times it has felt like being in the Mourne mountains with my brothers. In the darkness trying to get a fire going. Blowing on the few embers that exist, trying to squeeze out some sparks of light. But when the embers spark into flames it makes all the all the effort worthwhile.

The project has been successful beyond what I had hoped, imagined or even asked for in prayer. Even working as a psychologist I had found myself cynical as to how much change CBT could have in such desperate situations. However the psychological, emotional and behavioural change in the children has been incredible. I have never seen lives totally changed like this. Overall our post-testing has shown a significant effect. Every child has had a reduction in symptoms of PTSD, depression and anxiety. More important and moving are their individual testimonies.

On Friday we had a ‘graduation ceremony’ where the kids stood in front of the town, mayor, local dignitaries, UN officials, NGO directors etc and testified to the change in their lives. From being constantly tortured by flashbacks, guilt and shame…to being able to control their thoughts; from never being able to sleep because of nightmares…to a full peaceful nights sleep; from having no hope and a plan to kill themselves…to having hopes and dreams for the future; from constantly fighting and avoiding others…to being able to form friendships again. There were even stories of recovery from physical (psychosomatic) pain! I could write forever about the individual stories. All credit and goes to the young people for trying so hard to recover from their trauma, and to the Almighty for answering the prayers of all those who I know were remembering this work.

It was not just the result of 7 weeks of group therapy. As well as psychological help the young people simply needed people to listen to what they had done without judgement, to hope for them, to affirm that their future can be better than their past, and to believe that God has a plan for their lives.

Working with the parents and caregivers has had a great impact. With the help of World Vision and local organisations we were able to get all of the girls out of the brothels and living with someone in their extended families. We have identified host families for the remaining street boys and the child soldiers who have no family and hope to bring these together this week.

We have employed 10 local people over the course of the intervention and have trained the World Vision staff to continue the psychosocial work. WV are also keen to extend this training to their other projects in the DRC. In Beni, the organisational relationships are now built and contracts signed so any future work with underage girls working in brothels or ‘street boys’ should involve these children being placed with a family before the trauma work ends.

All of this has been dependant on the money that many of you folk donated to the project the night before we left! We have also invested around $3000 in buying equipment to get the vocational training classes up and running. Carpentry and mechanics tools for the boys, sewing machines and material for the girls. The goal, as the old cliché goes, is teaching them how to fish rather than just giving them a fish.

The money you gave has also been used to start microfinance projects (book selling and bead making), and to buy hygiene kits for the girls, mosquito nets, clothes, food etc.

This week will be mad trying to get all finished. After 9 weeks without a full day off I am definitely looking forward to a break! Am hoping to meet up with good friends in Uganda on Thursday for a few days, then homeward bound.

When I sit down again in 5 Lewis Park it’ll probably hit me that this has been both the hardest and the best thing I have done with my life so far.

Postcard from the DRC 4 - Born Survivors

2011-06-19T16:13:00.002Z

It’s been a pretty intense week in Beni. After eight sessions of teaching the techniques of CBT we’ve begun the trauma narratives. Since most of the young people can’t write they’ve been drawing the traumatic events that they have suffered and talking about these in individual sessions. The goal is basically to bring these into the open, practice controlling their thoughts and hence find healing from nightmares, flashbacks and other symptoms of PTSD.

You could not make up or imagine what many of them have been through. I’ll spare you the grotesque details of the mass killing, rape and mutilation that many of them have witnessed and been ordered to inflict on others. Some of the rebel groups mix violence with spirituality and witchcraft which has left those children especially psychologically damaged. For instance everyone here believes that the ‘Mai Mai’ rebels are invincible and impenetrable to bullets after being covered in sacred water. They believe that they gain extra strength for battle through rape and eating the flesh of their enemies.

These young people are the world’s true survivors. On listening to the stories of some of the lads yesterday it struck me that if any of them were to go to the US or UK and tell their stories they would become celebrities. They’d be speaking at every Christian conference going. There would be a movie made about their lives. The stories are of abduction, battling enemies, finding food, escape, trekking hundreds of miles, hiding in rivers and forests….stories of survival. I’ll find it hard to be impressed by Bear Grylls again after being with these people!

While it tears you apart to listen to their stories we have found great encouragement in hearing almost all state how this intervention is helping them. Two boys said yesterday that they previously had no hope and were daily considering suicide. They said that through the techniques we had taught them and the fact people cared had given them hope and a desire to live and make a better life for themselves.

It is not as easy for all. The current situation our friends is the most moving part. Some of the kids still sleep on the street or in brothels and no one seems to be in a great rush to do anything about it despite our efforts. This results in great frustration with the NGOs and UN who talk a lot about their work with ‘enfants de la rue’, ‘enfant soldieres’ and ‘victimes de violences sexuelles’ but don’t seem to be doing much to help as yet. An example is my wee mate ‘Simon’ (can’t put real names online), a 13-year-old living on the street. He has never known his mum or dad and has never had a family. The process of finding him a host family is infuriatingly slow. Another example of incompetency is a former child soldier who seems to be the natural leader of the boys. ‘Jean’ is an amazingly resilient 17-year-old who just wants to live a normal life. He has been taken 3 times from the CTO back to his family by the Red Cross. Each time he has been reabducted by the rebels, beaten almost to death, escaped and ended up back in the CTO. The powers that be are now in the process of sending him back again and he is terrified that this time he will be killed. He just wants to start anew somewhere else.

There are so many similar stories I could write all day.

Jonas our interpreter and self-appointed project manager keeps us sane with his antics and constant chatter of mostly nonsense. He is an African del boy, who knows everyone in town and could sell you a virus. In NI we’d say he has the gift of the gab and he would be very successful! He knows lots of pieces of information about history, religion, culture, psychology etc. but makes up what he doesn’t know. Hence in his stories, random Africans end up in the bible, people fly on magic carpets, Galileo gets crucified and we are doctors from Iceland. He has also started to imitate my Norn Iron accent when interpreting which cracks me up.

I went to a party at UN HQ the other night with some locals and the Nepalese ‘peacekeepers’. They have a curfew at 10pm so not exactly an Irish party. I did however meet a guy from East Timor whose brother works in Moy Park, Portadown! It feels like we’re in another world here but our world is getting smaller. With the Congolese elections coming up, I hope the world wakes up to the suffering of their brothers and sisters in the DRC sometime soon.

So pleased to have become Uncle John again this week. Am counting down the last 3 weeks until I get to meet wee Hanna Joy McMullen!

Postcard from the DRC 3

2011-06-12T15:56:00.002Z

Just a short update so ye all know we haven’t been eaten by rebels.

Actually Beni feels less and less like a war zone and more like a quiet but strange African town. It is completely safe for us to walk around and I haven’t felt in danger here at all. There is a UN curfew at night, so combined with a lack of electricity I’m usually in bed before 11pm. It feels like being a kid again.

I’m just back from a long French/Swahili church service. After 3 hours of not understanding anything and being entirely zoned out I decided to make a subtle exit. The entire congregation of about 400 locals all turned to stare at the churches only white person leaving early!

The work is intense but overall it’s going really well. The actual stuff we came to do is progressing beyond my expectations. I’m really loving working with the group of lads. It feels like teaching again which is class! Already we can see great progress, though so much of their psychological well-being is still affected by their daily circumstances. We have our first session with parents, care-givers, teachers and NGOs tomorrow which we hope will be significant.

The girls project is going great also. Most of the girls are around 15-16 and many have their own kids as a result of their work. African women have no qualms about public breast-feeding. It must be the only group-based intervention in the world where there are boobs hanging out everywhere as you try to talk!

We have also begun the microfinance projects for boys and girls, which we have high hopes for. The rest of our days and evenings are spent training our local staff, in meetings and trying to push forward our partner NGO to get the girls we are working with out of the brothels and the boys off the streets.

Dealing with local people and NGOs is the most frustrating part of the trip. The fact we are trying to do so much in a short space of time, combined with how hard it is to make things happen, is frustrating. Being 2 out of maybe 5 white people in the entire town results in everyone asking for money, from the young child to the educated adult. In saying that we have been totally blessed by those that are working with us. Jonas, our interpreter, is a wee legend. He is a great storyteller, often confusing fact and fiction, and gives me a great laugh. He is basically my sidekick for 8 weeks who I would be totally lost without.

While the details are stressful, when I step back and look at the bigger picture it’s amazing how it has worked out. Divine planning not ours I believe. However, it is easy to develop cabin fever in this small town and we're in need of a day off and an adventure. Trying to plan a trip into the jungle next Sunday to see some gorillas (people say there are gorillas but I think they may just mean monkeys) and maybe meet the rebels.

My main source of entertainment so far has been a couple of evenings having a beer and playing pool with some locals. I’m playing the best pool of my life and am the current champion in 2 different venues! It helps that the locals aren’t very good. Though I think perhaps God has improved my abilities in order for me to gain respect, as I have no other way of communicating with people! Some locals don’t like to lose. One night this guy was punching the table, calling me a witch doctor and continually threatening to cut my throat. His mates were telling him to wind his neck in (or whatever they say in Swahili). I beat him, then made a swift exit home. It felt good!

Thinking a lot about home especially the imminent arrival of my new nephew/niece!

Love and peace,

Postcard from the DRC 2

2011-05-29T17:46:00.003Z

So we’ve survived 3 weeks in the DRC and one week here in Beni. The flight from Goma was a brilliant, bumpy journey over jungle and little villages without a road in sight. Goma is a grey town. The roads are rocks and volcanic ash. The UN, NGOs and the profiteers of Congo’s mineral wealth live behind huge walls in big compounds guarded by full security teams. The place is awash with military carrying AK-47s, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades etc. I asked Barady if I could take a picture of these guys. He said ‘Yes, but they will shoot you’. So sorry for lack of interesting pictures. You’ll have to take my word for it! Overall the scene is of massive contradictions between the haves and have-nots.

From the beginning Beni seemed more like Africa. The surroundings are green, the pot-holed roads are a dusty red colour and the women are colourfully dressed. It could be a small town anywhere in Africa. Reminds me of Jandira! Unfortunately some people have experienced suffering more intense than you could imagine.

Beni is a UN ‘red zone’. Western nationals aren’t supposed to be here.. However, for us it feels completely safe, not like a war zone at all. We walk around feely during the day to the great entertainment of the locals who stare, laugh and shout ‘Mzungu’ often accompanied by ‘give me money’ (the only English they know). I haven’t seen any other white people walking around which is a shame. The people we have got to know are incredibly welcoming, friendly and helpful. The fact that Paul speaks Swahili as well as the locals impresses them greatly and always attracts a crowd. I just stand there like his mute friend.

There are some funny encounters. The other morning a little boy was jabbering away in Swahili about me having a big nose. He was pretty well endowed in that department himself and I was about to ask him if he’d ever looked in a mirror…then realised that he probably hadn’t. When I went for a run the locals were in complete stiches laughing at this white man running. At one point I had 15 kids running after me shouting and laughing.

There is no running water here but I’m becoming an expert at washing from a bucket. Electricity comes on at 6pm and ends at 11pm so no late night partying. Daily schedule is work, dinner, work, beer, bed. Our accommodation is basic but safe and comfortable. This is in stark contrast to the living conditions of the young people we are helping.

We are working with a local organisation called CERAO who are partners of World Vision. We are completing two group interventions, one with around 50 former boy soldiers and the other with around 50 girls who have been working as prostitutes in the ‘Quartier Generales’ (brothels). With each we will complete 15+ sessions of group-based trauma-focused Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. The CBT has been ‘africanised’ and so includes lots of culturally relevant activities.

We have developed this intervention over the past year and will be evaluating it in a Randomised Controlled Trial. This is too boring to explain but basically we measure levels of PTSD, depression, anxiety, conduct etc before and after the intervention, compare with a control group who don’t get intervention, determine if there is a significant change, then give to control group. Most of the time in Goma was spent translating measures into Swahili and French and validating to make them as culturally relevant as possible.

Everything is completed through local people so children will be more open. We employed 5 locals for a week to do post-intervention individual interviews. We then started our groups yesterday with a local counsellor, social worker and interpreter who we hope will continue on the intervention after we leave. They have been amazing and worked so hard. There is no way the project would be happening without them.

We are working with the girls on Mon, Wed and Fri mornings and the boys on Tues, Thurs and Sat mornings. In the afternoons we will work with the local partner to try and encourage them to get the girls out of the brothels and the boys off the street. This may involve providing incentives (mattresses, food, hygiene kits etc) to host families to encourage them to take these children in. We are also hoping to start an income-generating project to encourage girls to leave brothels. Many of the girls have their own babies as a result of their work. They have no-where else to go. If they left the brothels they would be on the street and could not feed their child. Would love it if Joy and Laura could come out and teach bead making!!

The past events and current situations of the young people are more desperate than I had ever imagined. The descriptions below are disturbing but this is the reality and hopefully will help people to pray specifically. I’d love to show you pictures of the young people so you have a face for the stories but obviously I can’t post online for security and confidentiality reasons.

GIRLS

All of the girls have worked in the ‘Quartier Generales’ (brothels), some from the age of 10. Many of them are still working in the brothels. Most of them have lost or been rejected by their parents or caregivers and have no-where else to go. They rely on brothel owners to feed them and their child. The girls may be made to sleep with up to 20 men each night, often with more than one at a time. Sometimes a group of men will just turn up and take turns.

Some of the girls are paid a small amount while others only receive a little food. They are traumatised by their war experiences, parent’s deaths, rape and sexual violence, forced abortions and many other events

BOYS

The boys are the roughest, toughest bunch of lads you could ever imagine. If the wee lads in East Belfast think they’re hard they should meet this crew! Due to their experiences they’re more men than boys really, mostly aged around 16-17.

The majority are former child soldiers who have only recently been released or escaped from the rebels. Some of them are living in a CTO while the UN tries to locate their parents. The CTO basically consists of 3 dirty mud huts where boys from different armed groups and of different ranks are left. Most of the other boys are living on the street.

They have spent anywhere from 6 months to 7 years with the armed groups. In the rebel armies the rule was kill or be killed. The same boys that I kicked a football around with today have have witnessed and carried out many rapes, murders, beatings and mutilations. Some have been involved in grotesque ceremonies such as cutting up and cooking bodies and drinking the blood of the person they killed. They are tormented by nightmares and haunted by guilt for the innocent lives they have taken.

A significant number of both boys and girls have expressed suicidal intent. Many have lost hope and say it would be better that they were dead. I’m not sure there is anything more sad in life than the loss of hope.

I pray that we can help to provide some hope through the intervention and through bringing a spiritual dimension to the psychology work that is much more accepted in Africa than in the UK. Thankfully this project is bigger than just our psychosocial work. It is a privilege and a pressure to be here at the very start. We also hope to assist in finding host families, setting up vocational training, providing incentives and, as mentioned, starting some kind of micro-finance co-operative.

Some nights I look up at the unreal African stars and wonder how the Creator of the universe could allow the pinnacle of his creation to suffer in the this way. At the same time I cry out to the same Creator to rescue them. If you are the praying kind please pray for the young people that we are working with- that they can find physical, emotional and spiritual freedom. That in the situations that appear so hopeless, they will find hope.

Post-script

We met the president of CERAO today who is also pastor of the local church. The ‘Big Man’ culture pervades every aspect of society here so this man is revered by folks in the area. He arrived with his following to meet the two Mzungus. The conversation went something like this:

Assistant: John, c’est la president!

Me: Ah..bonjour monsieur, je m’appelle John, comment ca va?

Pastor: Ca va bien, enchante. Mon nom est Pinis

Me and Paul together: PENIS!??

Pastor: Oui, Pastor Pinis

Me: Nice to meet you Pastor Penis….

Then descended into uncontrollable laughter that reminded me of being back in school with Gav and Procs. One of those where you’re crying and can’t string enough words together to make a respectful sentence. Thankfully no-one speaks English but don’t think Pastor Pinis and his entourage were too impressed with their first experience of these white men!

Postcard from the DRC 1

2011-05-15T09:06:00.005Z

I don’t really know where to start writing about a week in which I’ve travelled through 3 countries into a place unlike anywhere I’ve been before. Electricity is intermittent here so will be difficult to keep in touch by internet. We’re planning on travelling even more remote so not sure if there will be connection. Will try to write weekly updates though if possible. Sorry for lack of pictures but we've been told it's not a good idea to take photos around town. I'll try and get a few sneaky pics this week.

Thanks again to all who came to the fundraiser last Friday and to all those who made it happen. We were blown away by how much people wanted to get behind this project and promise to be accountable for every penny and to give it where the need is greatest.

So…the day after fundraiser we flew from Dublin to Entebbe, Uganda. Slept the night there then got up early to catch bus to Kigali, Rwanda. We missed the bus so spent a day in Kampala, randomly banging into Joseph, a former teacher at Source of Light and great friend to all Emmanuelites! Was so good to hang out with him.

Apres ça we caught the overnight bus to Kigali. This was a bumpy 11-hour trip with Ugandan dance music blaring through speakers the whole way. The lowlight was reaching the border at 4am. Basically at this lovely place you get turfed off the bus and have to fill in leaving card. In the meantime the bus, with all your bags, money, passport etc, drives off into the darkness. No-one tells you what to do but you begin to walk across ‘no-mans land’ in pitch darkness from Uganda to Rwanda while being set upon by dodgy characters trying to sell dodgy money. Luckily when we emerged from no-mans land our bus was waiting and bags were intact.

We spent 1 night in Kigali as we attempted to get a visa for the DRC from the crooks in the embassy. Anyone who has watched Hotel Rwanda or Shooting Dogs could not fail to see the recovery in Rwanda as truly miraculous. It is known as the ‘country of a thousand hills’ and is truly beautiful. Everything in inner city Kigali is perfectly clean and the roads are more akin to Europe than Africa. The bus journey to the DRC traverses the unreal Rwenzori mountains. Seriously have to go camping here with the lads some day! Development is occurring everywhere here in Africa’s success story. For Rwandans, the price for residing in such relative prosperity is living under a dictatorship that rules with an iron fist. A price worth paying? It’s a big question but there’s no doubt that, while the Rwandans are a quiet people, it is obvious they proud of how their country looks in comparison to their African neighbours.

I could have stayed in Rwanda for 2 months but time is of the essence so the DRC adventure began. I ended up having to pay $275 for the privilege of entering a country that seems entirely decrepit and forsaken at first glance. When we got to the border the smiling emigration folk locked Paul into a room and tried to make him give all his money to them. We were both carrying over $1000 in cash. Thank God they took him and not me as he managed to sweet talk (and lie) in his best Swahili and got us both away without losing a single dollar!

We were met at the border by the only contact we had made in the DRC, Barady Benda. He is a wee legend who we’d be completely lost without. In fact we have employed him as our Project Manager with responsibility for interpretation, being our guide, translating questionnaires, finding NGOs and stopping the locals from taking our money through scam or force!

Almost no-one here speaks English. My French est tres mauvais and my Swahili consists of ‘Jambo’. I’d be completely screwed without Barady and Paul to communicate.

Goma, where we are currently shacked up, is unlike anywhere I have seen before. A Google search should give you more information about the war that has raged around here. In Eastern DRC, 5 million people have died in the past 20 years as a result of the war…almost the entire population of Ireland. It has been much more stable over the past 2 years but is still the centre of the largest UN operation anywhere in the world. Rebel groups and government soldiers are still raping and pillaging rural areas around here. The town itself is safe but evidence of the surrounding conflict is everywhere. Almost every vehicle that is not a ‘boda boda’ is a UN or NGO machine or a military vehicle full of armed soldiers. Every half hour a plane or helicopter flies overhead carrying people, food, aid, weapons or minerals.

As if the people here hadn’t suffered enough from being raped and pillaged, half the town of Goma was destroyed by a volcano ? years ago. The basalt and ashes from the lava are everywhere. The roads (a generous term) consist of large rocks and stones from this eruption. They are difficult to walk over never mind drive on. Boda Boda journeys are great craic!

We stayed for a few days in the middle of the town, in first dodgy hotel we came across. After 3 nights of feeling insecure, no water or electricity and being kept awake until 5.30am by the neighbouring nightclub we have moved a few minutes out of town to a nice wee place on the shores of Lake Kivu. Will be based here for a few days arranging more meetings and finishing the translation of our questionnaires and interviews with Barady and Jacqui (the only English speaking girl we could find in Goma!)

The past few days have been spent meeting with various NGOs and local initiatives who are working with war-affected children. These include UNICEF, Caritas, Don Bosco, World Vision, Human Rights Watch, the Red Cross and others. Don Bosco was incredible. In one compound they run a massive school, feed 3000 local people, have a reception centre for war-affected children, have an orphanage for babies abandoned on the street and much more. It seems really run-down and under-funded which angered me and moved me in equal measure. In one room there were over 30 babies lying side by side on the floor like sardines. Mattresses in the dorms were worn down to the yellow cushion and were torn and soiled. It is a place I would love to donate some of the funds from last Friday if you are all ok with this?

Sorry for long update, so much more I could write. We have to decide in the next few days where, and with who, to carry out our intervention. UNICEF and Don Bosco have expressed a keen interest but the one we are currently considering is a World Vision project that is about to begin for former child soldiers and girls forced into prostitution. This is north of here, in Beni, A flight with the UN or private plane would be required to reach here, as there are practically no roads in the DRC. It would be a trip into the wild, bringing us much closer to rebel territory. It would also bring us much closer to young people who have massive needs but are unreached by the international community. Would appreciate prayers as we make a decision on this one.

Au Revoir pour maintenant

Stories

2010-06-20T12:51:00.005Z

Gulu has gone nuts for the World Cup. The colour and sounds of football in South Africa have made their way here, including the vuvuzelas that are blasted in front of tiny tv screens and by people walking down the street. Strangely when you ask anyone which team are supporting they will say England, Spain or Argentina, yet when the games are being played they are shouting and dancing for their continental brothers in Ghana, Ivory Coast and SA.

The joy, unity and community of football stands in stark contrast to the brutal violence that tore this place apart and the trauma that still bubbles under the surface. We could never have imagined the breadth and depth of trauma that we would find in the children in the school we are working at. It is the combination of this normality with the depravity of their past that is difficult to process in our own thoughts. These children, in their neat uniforms, banter and laugh as they kick around a football or rugby ball like children in every playground in the world. Yet their stories reveal a previous life of such wicked violence that cannot be easily conveyed. Inhumane, evil, demonic, sadistic are words that are not powerful enough to describe the actions of the LRA and the suffering of these kids.

I have been torn over whether to document the children’s stories on this blog. The details are extremely disturbing and macabre. While the children want their stories to be heard the sheer scale of the conflict and the horrific details have often meant that they have been simply told to forget the past and move on. However this is often not possible. The suppression of these memories has resulted in nightmares, flashbacks and the other symptoms associated with PTSD. This war, like so many in Africa, was ignored by the world. The illusion of a prosperous and peaceful Uganda was conveniently conveyed in order to allow the aid to continue flowing into the hands of a corrupt government. The stories of 30,000 child soldiers were ignored.

So below I have pasted Paul's writing about some of the kids he has met this week. Their words were spoken directly to him and translated by a local counsellor who is assisting. They are disturbing so you may not wish to read any further. However these experiences have been the reality of life for thousands of people in Northern Uganda.

_______________________________________________________________________________
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I pray that this new generation of Acholi will never have to live the lives of their older brothers and sisters

Children of War

2010-06-15T08:39:00.009Z

Laroo Boarding School for War Affected Children is home to some of the most traumatised children in the world. We are screening all of the children in P5,6,7 and vocational with a view to determining how best to help these children. This numbers around 300 children all of whom were abducted by the LRA or in other ways directly affected by them.

The children have witnessed killing, rape, dead bodies and body parts, beatings and assaults, looting, houses being torched, ambushes, abductions, severe hunger and mutilation of ears, eyes, noses and breasts. Some of the children have stated that they experienced every one of these atrocities. Many have had these directly inflicted on them. Others have been forced to to inflict these on others.

Almost every child we have asked so far has seen a family member or close friend killed. The LRA abducted children from the age of 7. Often they would force these children to kill their own father and mother. They did so to ensure that the children would not try to escape home. From this early age young boys were brainwashed and beaten until they became desensitised to killing. The favourite words of rebel leaders were 'kill or be killed'. Often this involved killing their own best friends. The young girls were served out as rewards to LRA commanders and became their porters and sex slaves.

When the school opened in 2006, 14 girls fell pregnant in the first year. Many of the former boy soldiers that had been born in with the rebels knew nothing else than simply taking whatever girl they wanted. We were told about one of the girls that had been born in captivity to a rebel father and abducted mother. Every night the girl would run away from the boarding school to sleep under the stars in a bush or under a pile of gathered firewood. Sleeping indoors in a school dormitory with other girls her age was just too scary for a child born in the bush and accustomed to life on the run with the rebels.

These children have seen more death and brutality in their early years with the rebels than most soldiers witness in a life-time in the army. Although we still have many children to measure it is becoming clear that many (perhaps the majority) are suffering from clinically significant levels of PTSD, anxiety and depression. Even four years after the war has ended many children state that they are still suffering constant flashbacks and nightmares. Many state that they do not have a future and do not care whether they live or die.

In the evenings we put are putting all of the data into our computers. This is long and tedious process. The children's symptoms become numbers and thoughts and feelings become statistics. This is toughest part of the project. The sheer scale of pain is difficult to comprehend and truly feel. When we are in the school it can seem so normal. The uniforms, desks and sound of infectious laughter from the playground. But the physical and psychological scars of war are evident. While some of the children's eyes glisten with hope, many are empty and lifeless. I try to look into their eyes and fully understand their pain. I try to travel vicariously with them to the life that they have lived, the atrocities that they have seen, the guilt and shame that they carry. But I can't.

The saddest part is that these are only 300 of the estimated 30,000 children that were abducted in Northern Uganda. Most of the other Acholi people (1.8 million) were forced by the government at gunpoint into IDP death camps. At the time the world did not know it was happening, or simply ignored it. UN High Commissioner Jan Egland called the situation 'the world's most forgotten humanitarian disaster'. But the war is over here for now. The NGOs have arrived. Joseph Kony and his LRA have moved into Congo and Sudan and the whole mess is repeating itself there.

Storms

2010-06-09T06:49:00.009Z

While there is resilience there is pain and trauma everywhere. At times I wish that I had just come to document the stories that people share with us over a meal or a drink. Stories of abduction, escape, injury or lost family and friends. It is difficult to imagine what many of these people have seen and experienced. As a local doctor stated today the aftermath of war is tougher than the war itself. Trauma paralyses as does years of being forced to live in the IDP camps totally reliant on western aid.

Belief in the role of spirits in this conflict is espoused by everyone who gives their version of events. From village pastors, teachers, highly educated psychotherapists and researchers, everyone believes that Kony is guided by spirits and that the fields of the land are haunted by the spirits of the bones that were unburied. We

have asked many if whether it was a religious or political war but the two seem so intimately entwined it is impossible to separate the strands. The brutal role of the government and the army in the persecution of the Acholi is whispered in every conversat

ion. There is a willingness but a nervousness in talking openly indicating that these people still feel under threat.

It is storm season here. The storms are beautiful. Distant skys all around are lit up with lightening like a war zone. The air becomes heavy with static before unleashing torrential rain and turning streets into rivers. Paul’s room was flooded with 2 inches of water which enabled us to get upgraded rooms at half the price! Electricity and water (in spite of floods) are sporadic which adds to the interest of academic work in Africa.

We are working late on our questionnaires before starting work with the children. We've meeting with people to decide on culturally appropriate issues to look at. Questions have been formed from our research combined with discussions with local professionals and lay people. These then need to be translated to Luo (numerous times), back-translated, validated in a focus group and piloted with a few children before we start working with the school. The language here is Luo but there are so many variations it seems everyone speaks their own language. This is making the translation process long and tedious. Its important though as we want to measure the things that are an issue for the people here not people in the West, and therefore can plan appropriate interventions.

I’m conscious that it’s easy to romanticise working in a place when we've only been here a couple of weeks but it feels like life to the full.

ps I washed my own clothes for the first time and they came out smelling worse that they went in. Any suggestions??

Resiliance

2010-06-03T13:40:00.010Z

Not sure if the blogging idea is going to work out due lack of internet and the business of the life here that I want to experience every minute of. Anyway our first week has involved 2 nights in Kampala, 3 in Gulu and 1 in Lira. We’re back in Gulu now to stay, which is great. Feel more alive here than I have in a long time.

This is my 6th trip to Africa but the first to work. I had always dreamed that the first time I came here to work it would be with a my beautiful wife that would be admired by all the africans....Instead I'm with this red-headed lad from Dublin! He's great craic and smarter than me so all good.

We're staying at Jojo’s palace which is far from a palace but is cheap. I'm becoming an expert at showering from a jerry can. We’re right in the middle of the town and hence the people here which is amazing. Living close, traveling, eating and shopping like the locals has already resulted in conversations and relationships both with the Acholi and the plethora of NGOs that are based here.

Pastor Felix (proudly sporting his norn iron top) has joined forces with us and is determined to be our guide/spokesman/story-teller/pastor/friend. This week has involved meetings and conversations with people in schools, lecturer at the university, UNICEF, the district officer and others.

We have decided on the place (Laroo Boarding School for war-affected children) and the aspects of our research. This week will be spent building relationships in the school as well as forming focus groups to discuss and translate our questionnaires and gain cultural validity and reliability. This involves a great deal of ‘psychobabble’ which is not of much interest to anyone reading this but will hopefully be of help to the children and the school.

It isn’t difficult to find people here that have been affected by the war….everyone has. These people have seen, been afflicted by and at times become the worst of humanity. Murder, rape, mutilation, slavery, sacrifice and child abuse were once daily threats. However the best of the human spirit can be found here also. Everyone here who has not been war-affected seems to be working with the war-affected. There are so many charities and NGOs doing great work at great cost but there seems to be frustration at the lack of cohesion and the fact that things are not really improving.

In a month you could write a book of stories about the situation here that would be stranger and more graphic that the imagination of any fiction writer. As with Palestine, living with the people reveals a story which is so different than its portrayal in the media and the safety of other parts of the country. The situation is full of such deep spiritual, political and tribal complexities that it cannot be explained by the simple notion of the madman Joseph Kony and an army of child soldiers. The vitriol of most people is reserved not for Kony and the LRA but for Museveni and his government’s army who have persecuted these people, inflicted many of the same atrocities as the LRA and forced 1.8 million people to live in squalor and dependency in the disease and death-infested IDP camps.

The spiritual pervades every aspect of life here. A curious blend of Catholicism, Evangelicalism, Islam and traditional beliefs pervade every aspect of life. Spirits ('jok') are lie underneath the surface of every story. Kony isn't seen as mad or bad by many but simply being involuntarily controlled by spirits. Pastor Felix speaks of bones and trees talking to people as normally as talking about his family or church. He is amused by our surprise.

No war is simple but this one is particularly complex with roots stretching back from British colonialism, through the brutality of Idi Amin, Museveni and Kony, to the current status quo. The very fabric of this society has been torn to shreds and stitched back together so many times it is hard to determine how any clothes can ever fit. But the people are tired of war and suffering. There is no frame of reference in the western world for the resilience of the people here. They are the survivors. While we came to look for trauma, depression, anxiety our early observations and conversations have been infused with perseverance, resiliance and hope.

An army of child soldiers

2010-05-25T19:31:00.004Z

I've decided to take up the blog again for my June trip Northern Uganda. I started this blog a couple of years because I enjoyed writing and it was an outlet for that as well as a cathartic release of frustrations when I looked at the injustice around the world. I stopped due to a combination of people not writing/reading blogs anymore and the thought that it was a bit of a narcissistic hobby anyway. However, if this blog was ever useful it was probably on my trip to Israel and Palestine which, I hope, raised some awareness of brutal occupation there. Hopefully writing about our work in Northern Uganda will in a small way raise awareness of the brutal war there; it’s after effects and it's army of child soldiers.

I’ll be travelling with a colleague to Lira to work with former child soldiers and other young people who have been traumatised by the conflict. We will be building relationships and screening for PTSD or other disorders as well as looking at cultural methods of coping with trauma and fostering resilience. The hope is to come home, consider our findings and return next year and carry out an intervention programme. If this is successful we hope to train local people to deliver the programme and disseminate it to other schools with traumatised children.

I also hope to call in with our friends in Gulu and Jandira so if any of you have greetings or gifts get them to me this weekend!

What we will be commencing was only a dream this time last year as can be seen in the post below. It’s now happening and it has been amazing to see how experiences and relationships as a teacher, leading Emmanuel Africa teams, in Fields of Life and now in psychology have been woven together to allow this project happen.

To learn more about Lira, Joseph Kony, the LRA and Uganda’s child soldiers read here.

The war in Northern Uganda is over now but the LRA are still raping, pillaging and mutilating their way through the DRC.

[The pictures above are from our visit to IDP camps in Gulu last year]

POSTSCRIPT: After writing this the Dave Wylie Experience phoned me to tell me the news that has just broke....Obama had signed a bill outlining America's commitment to bring an end to Joseph Kony and his LRA. 20 years too late but interesting timing!!!

Student again?

2009-09-26T16:09:00.017Z

I know I had laid the blog to rest but.....

This week I became a student again at QUB for another 3 years, studying a Doctorate in Educational, Child and Adolescent Psychology. If I finish then from the ages of 18-31 I'll have spent 5 years working and 8 studying!

Why?
I've had the same comments loads recently:
Why are you leaving teaching? you are an eternal student! I thought you loved your job? ye need to grow up and accept responsibilities! ye just want the easy life, better money? etc....

Over the past years through travels in Africa and the Middle East I have become increasingly angered, frustrated and impassioned by the plight of people, especially children, trying to make a life in a background of conflict, trauma and strife. The frustration stems from a feeling that I've talked a lot about these things but been unable and unwilling to actually do something about it.

So...my dream is to work with children who have been bereaved, traumatised or in other ways affected by war or conflict, with specific regard to how schools and communities could be engaged in such situations. This may be with former child soldiers in Africa, innocent victims in Palestine or troubled young people in Norn Iron. In this I feel a vocation or calling for the first time in my life. The reason for doing the course therefore is to provide the skills, contacts and direction to hopefully be used in this area.

I've been listening recently to Emmanuel Jah, a former child soldier from Sudan turned hip-hop artist. This song is a tribute to the lady that rescued him from his former life...inspiring!

Goodbye Mr McMullen!

2009-06-30T15:42:00.008Z

Blogging seems to have had its day. Been a long time since the heady days of the 50 comment posts. Probably a mixture of not blogging much, others not posting anymore, boring posts, facebook and twitter. Anyway, everything has it's season.

Today was the end of a season for me so I thought I'd mark it with a final blog post. Today was my last in Bocombra P.S. I was totally gutted leaving. Driving out of the gates for the last time was worse than any break-up. I have loved the past 4 years there and will miss the buzz, the fun, the achievement and the relationships of daily school life. I've been completely overwhelmed by kindness in the past couple of weeks through speeches, presents (inc a sweet north face jacket!) but mainly by letters of thanks and encouragement from kids past and present, staff members and parents. I've never felt more fulfilled and rewarded than I do today.

I hope/trust I've made the right decision. Not much time to dwell on it now though cos off to Africaaaaa at 5.30am tomorrow!

Thanks for reading this blog,
I'll leave you with the apt words of our P7 leavers song:

One more step along the world I go,
One more step along the world I go;
From the old things to the new
Keep me travelling along with you.

And it’s from the old I travel to the new;
Keep me travelling along with you,

You are older than the world can be,
You are younger than the life in me;
Ever old and ever new,
Keep me travelling along with you.

Acrobat is out for now.....

"Love left a window in the skies..."

2009-05-08T21:07:00.001Z

The shackles are undone
The bullets quit the gun
The heat that's in the sun
Will keep us when there's none

The rule has been disproved
The stone it has been moved
The grave is now a groove
All debts are removed

Billy

2009-04-10T11:13:00.003Z

Nothing makes me laugh like Billy Connolly. I saw him last year in the Waterfront. He came out with no warm-up and had the audiences in stitches for nearly 3 hours without a break. This is his best..

Apologies for the quality (and language!)

2009-03-31T16:32:00.002Z

Gaza

2009-03-23T23:07:00.007Z

"There is... increasing callousness," she said. "There is a perception that the Palestinian is not a person, a human being entitled to basic rights and therefore anything may be done to him."

Here are a few recent reports that give a idea of what happened in Gaza. A 'just' war???

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1072466.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7913313.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7905320.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7926780.stm

1,434 people in Gaza - 960 of them civilians - were killed in the fighting.
431 were children and 114 women.

2009-03-16T12:49:00.004Z

Nemanja Vidic tries to kiss the feet of the world's greatest striker......

.

No Line on the Horizon

2009-02-28T13:30:00.006Z

It feels like my birthday today. I'm about to drive over the border to pick up the new U2 album. I remember their previous album releases clearly... the nervous anticipation, the expectancy, the following weeks in which the lyrics and melodies impact your soul.

Anyone that knows me will know I have had something of an obsession with this band since I was a boy. Since Lurgan Junior High when my mate Scott gave me a bootleg of their concert in Sarajevo and Bono said: 'To be united is a great thing, but to respect difference is the greatest thing' before launching into 'One'. After that I began collecting devouring every album, single and U2 book I could find.

I remember being with Procs in Lurgan College lecture theatre trying to learn U2 songs on the guitar. Also being with him for a U2 weekend culminating in the Croke Park gig. Slane Castle in 2001 was the best night of my life (So good they even released a dvd of it!) The saddest thing was building a music room at my parents house and completely plastering all four walls with U2 posters and lyrics. It still remains though nowadays serves as more of a shrine than a practice room!

Through those teenage years as I struggled with faith, love and finding truth I had a U2 song to identify with. I tried to fit in with church and with my mates who just partied and lived for the weekend, but didn't feel like I fitted into either camp. U2 didn't provide answers but they mirrored the struggle and opened my eyes to see that God wasn't necessarily how the religious folk had painted him. Sometimes finding people that are asking the same questions is of greater comfort than answers.

I'd join the movement,

If there was one I could believe in,

I'd break bread and wine,

If there was a church I could receive in,

Cos I need it now,

To take the cup,

To fill it up,

To drink it slow,

I can't let you go.

Through a mixture of coincidence and inspiration my passions of recent years have seemed to echo those of Bono's. Firstly with African poverty and the AIDS pandemic and most recently with the Middle East and a prayer for co-existence.

Unlike many reviewers I don't compare to the Joshua Tree or expect another Achtung Baby on every release. Those albums will never be equalled. I'm content and amazed by the fact that after 30 years they are still producing music that is relevant, important and good. No other band has such a back catalogue and no other celebrity has used his fame for so much good. I still think they have a lot to say and I can't wait to hear it!

Grace finds beauty in everything

Procs

2009-02-15T16:54:00.004Z

www.garethproctor.co.uk
(Prayer from funeral)
Gareth was a loyal, thoughtful, wonderful friend. In his company you felt relaxed and uplifted. I have known him all of my life and we never shared an angry word.

In conversation, he had a quality that is very rare…. he thought before he spoke. He was not careless with his words. Consequently his advice was wise and words were true. His humility was an inspiration. Though talented, he preferred the background to the front of the stage. Though knowledagble and of greater intellect, he preferred to ask your opinion than to give his own. Many of our conversations and his words of encouragement resonate with me today.

The last words I spoke to Procs on Saturday were, ‘I’ll see you soon bro’.
And I know I will. Because this life is just a vapour when compared to eternity and Procs has gone ahead to join with those great crowd of witnesses. No longer chained to this body but free to laugh and run and dance and sing… I don’t know what heaven’s like but I know if there’s a worship band there, it’s just got it’s new bass player.

Let’s pray-
Father of all mystery, whose ways are beyond comprehension.
Our minds are too small to understand,
Our words are ineffective to convey the groaning of our hearts.
Yet we are here…
To give you thanks for the life of Gareth.
We thank you for his laughter, for that streak of mischief, for his strength and for his loyalty to family and friend.
We thank you for the privilege it was to know him and the blessing and inspiration that he brought to all of us.

Father, Give comfort to Gayle and Joseph, to Joy and Robert, Timmy and Leah, Trevor and Valerie, Philip and Emma and all in this amazing family circle. We thank you so much for their immense faithfulness, unending love, and endless care for Gareth.

Holy Spirit, who speaks for us in groans when we have no words. Come alongside them. Be their refuge and strength, O Lord, and reassure them of your everlasting love.

Lord Jesus,
If we have never sought, we seek Thee now;
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;
We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow;
We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.

The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars we claim Thy grace.

The other gods were strong, but Thou wast weak;
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;
But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.

Father we thank you again for the life of our friend. Be with us now. In Jesus name, Amen.

TOP 10

2009-02-06T15:30:00.008Z

Haven't done a music post in a while which is a shame because it's my first love. I was asked recently for a list of my top 10 bands/artists. It's an impossible task but I had a go anyway and this was the result:

1. U2
2. Bruce Springsteen
3. Incubus
4. Sigur Ros
5. Biffy Clyro
6. The Arcade Fire
7. Rage Against the Machine
8. Dave Matthews Band
9. Romantica
10. Kanye West

Others loves that didn't quite make the cut (I'm sure they're devastated!) are: Radiohead, Sting, Foy Vance, Coldplay, The Foo Fighters, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, Sufjan Stevens.

Here is my favourite ever moment of the greatest band to ever grace Ireland and the earth. From the Zoo TV concert in Sydney. Watch how a drug addict suffers the needle chill then sees the light through cold and broken 'hallelujahs' and is lifted into the rapture of a place where the streets have no name, where everyone is equal under the eyes of God....a glimpse of heaven. Magical!

Any suggestions for the list?

Hope?

2009-01-17T17:45:00.004Z

What has been accomplished from this 'war'/massacre?

- More than 1000 Palestinian civilians dead, one third of which are children.
- More than 5000 people injured.
- The entire infrastructure of Gaza destroyed. Mosques, Christian churches, hospitals, schools, houses were all targets.
- Shameless crimes against humanity.
- Hamas support has grown exponentially
- Hatred for Israel has grown exponentially in the Arab nations.

Nothing can be achieved until Israel and Hamas lay down their guns and talk to each other. Really I can't see any hope without Jesus and the kingdom values of love, peace, justice and equality.

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, hate destroys and tears down; by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power."

Martin Luther King

A just war?

2009-01-14T17:21:00.007Z

More than 1000 Palestinians have died in Gaza in the past 19 days, 90% civilians.

More than 300 of the dead are said to be children.
4,700 people in Gaza have been injured.

13 Israelis have been killed, including three civilians and 10 soldiers.

In the past week among Israels crimes against humanity are:
- Destroying a Christian Aid medical clinic.
- Shelling a house where they had told 100 women and children to move to.
- For 4 days preventing medics from reaching starving, traumatised children who were standing over the bodies of their dead mothers.

Olmert wants to show Israel's 'iron fist' in order to provide security for the Israeli people. I seriously doubt that he has made his people more secure by orchestrating this bloodbath.

It makes me sick that any Christian could attempt to justify or condone the actions of the Israeli military. It makes me not want to call myself a Christian. I continually have to remind myself of the teachings of Jesus and the values of the kingdom which seem to be lost in the churches blindness and indifference.

To anyone who seeks to use theology or prophecy to in someway excuse or 'be balanced' in their arguments I would recommend 2 books-

'Light Force' by Brother Andrew
'Zion's Christian Soldiers' by Stephen Sizer

Sizer's conclusion is-

…the choice is between two theologies: one based primarily on the shadows of the old covenant; the other on the reality of the new covenant. In identifying with the former, Christian Zionism is an exclusive theology that focuses on the Jews in the land rather than an inclusive theology that centres on Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the world. It consequently provides a theological endorsement for racial segregation, apartheid and war. This is diametrically opposed to the inclusive theology of justice, peace and reconciliation which lie at the heart of the new covenant. (p.260).

Taking sides??

2009-01-07T18:53:00.004Z

In answer to anonymous-

There is nowhere safe in Gaza. Israel drop bombs on houses killing families. They flee to take shelter in schools, mosques, UN buildings and Israel bomb them.

The 'human shields' argument is ridiculous. They are dropping tonnes and tonnes of the biggest explosives on the one of the most densely populated area in the world. The UN said there was no fire from their building and it was clearly marked. They drop a bomb on a house where they suspect someone involved with Hamas is sleeping, killing his extended family then accuse him of hiding behind civilians. If this was happening to Israelis the world would explode.

No other country could get away with the crimes against humanity that Israel do, because they can, so they don't care....might is right.

I repeat there have been 45 people killed in the West Bank this year without a single rocket being fired.

Yes I have emotional ties to Palestine but I also met some great people in Israel. I am saddened for them also. Do you really think this is going to improve life for them? Even if Hamas were wiped out (which they won't be) another more extreme group will take their place. There will be more rockets and more hatred. Imagine a bomb has landed on your house killing your wife and children. Combine this with a life of poverty and a denial of your human rights. What would you do? Violence breeds violence, evil breeds evil.

Love is the only force capable of overcoming hatred.

I find it hard to believe some Christians attitudes over this. It's not a case of taking sides. There only is one side...the occupier, the military force, the oppressor. I can't fathom how any human being never mind follower of Jesus can see pictures of kids blown to pieces and say they are in support of this evil government. The world is so screwed up.

Was great to walk and pray for peace in Belfast last night. Gave me some hope in the human race.

Some websites to check out and support-

http://www.tuesdayschild.ie/site/index.asp
http://a-mother-from-gaza.blogspot.com/
http://gazasiege.org/take_action.html

Gaza

2009-01-04T16:02:00.004Z

When I was in the West Bank in 2007 I met a guy who had just come from Gaza. He described the situation and said it was a time bomb waiting to explode (here). Now it has.
In the past couple of years I've checked the news everyday from Gaza and written a few times about the brutal occupation and collective punishment that Israel were enforcing on the civilian population there (eg here, here, here, here, here).

(Picture: Me with some palestinian kids in a refugee camp much like those that are currently being bombed in Gaza)

In the last 8 days Israel has killed over 460 Palestinians and the UN estimates that at least a third are civilians or regular street policemen. We don't know the full extent of the carnage because Israel (again defying international law) won't allow any journalists into Gaza to report on what they are doing.

The disproportionate scale of Israel's assault and the reaction of the US and EU would be laughable where it not for the fact that women and children are being blown to pieces everyday.

George Bush says the Israelis are defending themselves against rocket fire. The facts are that Israel haven't just started killing people this week. During the last seven years, 18 Israelis have been killed by homemade rockets fired from the Gaza Strip, while more than 5,000 Palestinians were killed by Israel with some of the most advanced US-supplied armaments in the world. And while no rockets are fired from the West Bank, 45 Palestinians have died there at Israel's hands this year alone.

This occurs against the backdrop of Israel slowly suffocating both the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, with more than 50% of Gazans living below the poverty line and all imports (including UN and Red Cross humanitarian aid) being restricted and controlled by Israel. There have been no exports from Gaza allowed for 2 years.

The western governments are 'monitoring' the situation. I wonder what their response would be to an assault on Israel, or the US or Britain which left nearly 500 people dead in a couple of days.

The reason it sickens and angers me so much is that the traumatised, grieving faces I see aren't just random arabs but they remind me of the most hospitable, friendly people I've ever met. People who are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, mates just like we have here.

The fact of the matter is that an Arab life isn't worth as much as a Jewish, American or European life. But I believe in the Palestinian people. They have a strength and a hope that I pray will sustain them in these dark days.

"The Israelis have the power, the Palestinian people have dignity and despite all odds, still have hope. The Israelis have the airplanes from which they drop bombs in Gaza, they have bulldozers made here in the United States, not far from my home, they can do all those things, but despite this imbalance of power, the Israelis will never be able to destroy Palestinians' hope and dignity."

Holocaust survivor, Hedy Epstein

(Picture: A great night's craic we had with some Palestinian families. The human face to the statistics)

Mon the Biff!

2008-12-16T21:48:00.009Z

What a gig in Dublin last night (pictures from my phone). Definitely straight into the top 5. See Zico's blog for review and 'Glitter and Trauma'. The other highlight for me was 'Justboy'. See below for the hairless original.

Brutal, compelling, beautiful.

Waltz with Bashir

2008-12-09T18:45:00.003Z

On a similar theme I saw one of the most amazing, intense, harrowing movies I've ever seen in QFT at the weekend.

It's the story of the massacre of Palestinians in the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps in Lebanon when Lebanese 'christian' militia were allowed (and indirectly assisted) by the Israeli army to rape, pillage and slaughter around 3000 defenceless civilians over 3 days in September 1982.

Read about the massacre here- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabra_and_Shatila_massacre
and the movie here- http://waltzwithbashir.com/

The maker of the film was a soldier in the Israeli army at the time of the massacre and the film shows his attempts to recover his memories of the incident. His own attempts seem to ask the question of whether Israel itself has made made a mass, semi-conscious decision to forget.

The movie is shot as an animated documentary except for some real footage at the end. When it finished nobody moved. Everyone just sat rooted to the spot staring at a black screen for what seemed like an age, reminding me of when I first watched 'Schindler's List'.

So many questions fly round your mind after. Issues of war, mankind's potential for evil, the brutal oppression of the palestinians, the repression of unwanted memories, our world view, the world's view of christians etc etc.

Highly recommended.

Might makes Right

2008-12-03T21:17:00.005Z

Everyday I check for news from Palestine and everyday it saddens me more.

Here's part of an email I just got from Mazin Qumsiyeh who is a Christian peace-maker and a professor in Bethlehem. He describes the situation better than I could...

It is only in an Orwellian "might makes right" world that 1.5 million people are kept in a concentration camp literally being starved to death while much of the world governments stand idly watching or occasionally issuing a useless statement or collaborating with the collective punishment (as in the case of Governments of Egypt and the US). 1.5 million are not numbers, they are people like you and me and 60% are children!! Terrorism is defined as punishing civilians to force a change in politics. As such this is the biggest act of terrorism since the end of WWII. It is also a war crime and a crime against humanity (as defined by International Law).

With Gazans already impoverished and struggling to survive, on November 5, Israel completely sealed Gaza's border crossings. This followed an unprovoked Israeli attack on Gaza that killed six Palestinians, despite a ceasefire, and Palestinian rocket fire in response. As a result of Israel's closure, the United Nations has been forced to stop food distribution to 750,000 needy people, and 70% of Gaza is now without powerdue to a lack of fuel. According to reports, even candles are now in short supply. "Let's see this for what it is." said UN spokesman Chris Gunness. "Fifty-six percent of the Gaza Strip are children. Let us not cause suffering of innocent children." Blocking witnesses, on November 13, Israel denied the entry to Gaza of 20 senior EU diplomats. Israel also has refused to allow foreign journalists to enter Gaza. Foreign Press Association chairman Steven Gutnik called the ban "a serious violation of freedom of the press" and said "it is essential that journalists be allowed to enter the Gaza Strip since it is the foreign media that serves as the world's window into Gaza.

http://www.endtheoccupation.org/

O'Bama?

2008-11-14T18:57:00.000Z

He's so good he had to be Irish......

Rememberance Sunday

2008-11-09T21:18:00.009Z

My only A-star at GCSE was in English Literature. This was mainly due to the war poetry we studied. The imagery, anger and pain in the words captured me. My thoughts slowly went through a change from my glamorised boyhood view of war from all the old movies to an understanding of what war really is ...hell ....lions fighting for lambs.

One of the most powerful war poems is by a soldier from WW1, Wilfred Owen. He takes a line from an old latin poem that was popular at the time to get people to join the army:
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori ("It is sweet and noble to die for one's country")

Owen, in the end, is saying that if readers could see what he has seen they would no longer instill visions of glorious warfare in young men's heads. No longer would they tell their children the "Old Lie," that it is sweet and noble to die for one's country.

Of course on Remembrance Sunday we need to remember the heroes that gave their lives for our freedom.... but the old war poems are also a reminder of the reality and futility of war.

DULCE ET DECORUM EST₁

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares² we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest³ began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots⁴
Of tired, outstripped⁵ Five-Nines⁶ that dropped behind.

Gas!⁷ Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets⁸ just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime⁹ . . .
Dim, through the misty panes¹⁰ and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering,¹¹ choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud¹²
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest¹³ To children ardent¹⁴ for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est Pro patria mori.

Change

2008-11-03T17:21:00.007Z

Another thing I discovered in the middle-east is the incredible effect that one country can have over the world... the effect that one man leading that country can have over the world.

It's crazy to think that decisions made by one human being over coffee with his advisers will decide the gap between the rich and poor in his own country, between war and peace in the middle-east, and the poverty of millions in the third world.

That's why I'm praying that all those folk whose forefathers left the shores of Ulster when our potatoes went bad will make Barack Obama the new US president tomorrow.

They'll be led in song by The Boss...

one of my all-time favourite tunes...

Hope part 2

2008-10-27T22:35:00.002Z

I check the BBC website everyday for news from Palestine. This is the first good news story I have read since my time there. It's amazing what football can achieve!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7691924.stm

Hope

2008-10-25T10:33:00.001Z

"To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places - and there are so many - where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvellous victory."

Howard Zinn

check it out...

2008-10-12T15:18:00.003Z

Here is our video from Jandira 2008 (edited by Nick 'the greek' Williamson).

Check out our website if you haven't already done so... 'Emmanuel Africa'

Also more pics on our flickr

If you still have some web-browsing time you should visit my brother's blog by clicking here. He's writing some amazing stuff about his year living the american dream.

Equal

2008-09-30T18:41:00.004Z

UN Declaration of Human Rights: Article 1-

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.

I think the biggest problem in the world today is that we don't see all human beings as equal. I see this everywhere and unfortunately it seems as endemic in the world-wide church as outside of it.

Some examples-

Israel/Palestine
Over the past 2 years there have been 40 Palestinains killed for every 1 Israeli. Palestinian land is being constantly stolen and it's people live in an open-air prison. Where else in the world are so many people denied most of their basic human rights, only to have their problems sweeped under the carpet by the world's media? The status quo exists because of American Christian Zionism. The church around the world is indoctrinated to show unwavering support to the state of Israel (a secular state) no matter what wrongs they commit. This is despite the fact that there are many more Christian believers living in Palestine than in Israel.

Muslims
When we see a middle-eastern woman in a headscarf on the news mourning her loss do we feel the same symapathy as we do for a western woman? The Republican party's main offensive in the American presidential campaign is to try and make people think (wrongly) that Obama is muslim. I've heard people here say we should be praying for McCain to get in because Obama is a muslim and Sarah Palin is a Christian. Never mind the fact that Palin makes George Bush look like a bastion of intelligence and articulation (watch this).

Africa
Sometimes I feel an underlying cynicism or resignation when people talk about issues of poverty, AIDS etc in Africa. Like their problems can never be solved, or they should sort them out themselves, or there's no point because their governments are so corrupt. Do we really see the children in Africa who are dying in their millions as being equal to our own?

Others
Homeless, drunks, homosexuals, immigrants .......

I'm lovin it???

2008-09-20T16:44:00.002Z

I was out in Belfast with some mates last night. After a great night we were walking home about 330am and decided to stop off at the 24-hour McDonalds on the Newtownards Road for some quarter pounder meals.

We were chatting to the guy flipping burgers and he told us that they keep cooking food all night in case people come in. They throw out any unsold burgers after 10 minutes and cook some more. He said they throw out about £150 of burgers every night. That's £150 of what they cost McDonald's, not what we pay.

So I've done some rough calculations:
They probably throw at least twice as many out during the day than at night. However most McDs are 24-hour. A very generous estimate would be that the average McDs throws out £300 of burgers every day altogether.

Google tells me there are 25 MickeyDs in N.I. so that's £7500 wasted per day here.

There are 31,000 McDs in the world so that's £9,300,000. Nearly £10 million a day and that's being generous! Probably far more.

Rainforests are being destroyed around the world, millions of tonnes of packaging are used for a few minutes and then discarded, and I'll not even get into a world poverty rant... all because lads with bum fluff moustaches and squeaky voices are being forced to throw out their handiwork.

McDonalds boycott anyone?

Weddings, bears and brotherhood

2008-09-04T18:19:00.006Z

I've seen two of my brothers wed this year and both have been brilliant days. The pic above didn't make it to the speech (the girly looking one is Mikey not Joy who wasn't born then!). I feel blessed to have brothers and a sister who are great friends as well as siblings.

As requested here are a couple of the videos from our speech. They're only really funny if you were there and I can't be arsed explaining...

btw... if you are thinking of leaving a comment along the lines of...
'you're next then'
'when's your big day',
'you need to get a move on John'
'I know a great girl for you'
...leave it out, I've heard it all before!

Flobots

2008-08-28T15:59:00.001Z

I love music that's full of righteous anger. I found a quality band recently that fueled in me a fist-clenching, rallying cry against the system... like when I first heard 'Rage Against the Machine'.

They rage against war and injustice but also seem to be doing something about it with their non-profit organisation that aims to connect social change with music (www.flobots.org)

Check out this video and their other songs on youtube. Album's out in September...you heard it here first!

Prosperity Gospel

2008-08-14T22:08:00.002Z

I've watched this video on repeat tonight. From a talk by John Piper. It's stirring my heart.

'I don't know what you feel about the prosperity gospel,
the health, wealth and prosperity gospel
but I'll tell you what I feel about it
Hatred.'

'God is most glorified in you,
when you are most satisfied in him,
in the midst of loss
not prosperity.'

Thanks jbam!

Webale Jesu

2008-08-01T09:59:00.003Z

Well this chapter of our Uganda story is over. We had an amazing, profound, tiring, life-changing month. Every moment was a privilege to be part of. My head is a bit too mashed up right now to try and put it all into words.

Here are some of my pics instead. My camera broke but still managed to get a few shots first. There's more on my flickr site here. Also check out Tim's site for some brilliant photos.

End of the Beginning

2008-07-15T09:15:00.006Z

Team 1 leave tonight and Team 2 join us. As I had hoped I have spent less time processing and thinking and more time experiencing and living in the moment.... and what an experience:

- School is flying up. The site is beyond words. It truly will be a beacon of hope for the surrounding villages.
- Over 50 sick children brought to clinics be treated for various illnesses and tested for HIV.
- Visited and supported the work of others in pregnancy crisis centre and in the slums.
- Kid's clubs, sports coaching, women's work, teacher training.
- The relationships we built with teachers, kids, builders two years ago have now developed into true friendships. It feels like home.

Check out Al's blog for more detailed info.

This team have been amazing. They have come with open eyes and open hearts and have responded to the need they have seen around them.

We stood on top of the hill yesterday, where the secondary school is being built, praying with our Ugandan friends and I experienced the presence of God like never before. Every day we see new things to respond to. The project has become huge. It's gone way beyond our control and past the point of no return. After years of feeling frustrated with poverty, injustice, AIDS, education issues we at last feel like we're not just talking about it but in one small part of the world we're able to respond and make a real and lasting difference.

It is a great privilege to help lead these teams. This project is becoming one of the most special things I have ever been a part of. This could be the rest of my life.

ps Nicky is here and he's single and desperate. Send photos to thenickmans@hotmail.com. You can see his photos on his bebo.

Africa

2008-06-23T19:25:00.005Z

This Saturday we set off on another adventure to Jandira, Uganda. It's hard to believe after months of planning that it's almost upon us. Check out website here for information. Some of my photos of our last trip to Jandira here. It's a huge team and a huge project. Scary and but immensely exciting! I can't wait to spend another month on african soil.

I probably won't blog much over July. I want to experience more and process less on this trip... leaving the processing until I come home.

I wrote this after I went to South Africa in 2004 -

You gave birth to mankind,
In your womb grew resource:
Rubber, Oil, Diamond, Slave,
Taken from you.

It was us
who raped you,
Stole your innocence,
Battered you, chained you, sold you.

Left extremes to battle
in your no-man's land,
Darkness and Light
Doubt and Faith
Despair and Hope
Apathy and Love.

Yet you remain
hard pressed not crushed
Perplexed not in despair
Persecuted not forgotten
Struck down but not destroyed.

And in you
my soul has found
everything it has exchanged for extravagance

In you

In Africa

School

2008-06-01T15:39:00.006Z

Last week was the extreme outdoor pursuits school trip that I've spent all year organising. It was a great success. I've taught some of this kids for two years and seen them grow and mature daily, building great relationships with them. The trip was the highlight of the past two years.

My lads have had great success on the sports fields with both football and rugby teams winning their leagues (see pics).

These things have made me realise that, although I retain dreams and aspirations about where I'd like to be and what I'd like to do, I find much joy and fulfillment in my current job (for now!).

Here's a quality quote that jumped out at me from our class novel last week.

'Above all watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.'

Roald Dahl 'The Minpins'

Into the Wild

2008-05-12T21:31:00.004Z

When I compile my all-time favourite movies (The Last of the Mohicans, Legends of the Fall, Apocalypto, Gladiator) they all seem to have a common theme- adventure, sweeping landscapes, stirring classical soundtrack, wildness. The kind of movies that you watch and then go to bed and dream of being in a different place in a different time and being wild!

I watched 'Into the Wild' the other night and it's gone straight into my top 5! The amazing true story of Christopher McCandless who sold all he had, gave the money to Oxfam and went to live in the Alaskan wilderness by himself. Read about him here.

The movie covered many thoughts I have had about escape, wildness, society and in particular travelling alone. I have always had a desire to take off by myself on an adventure. Where I'm unknown, free from expectations and responsibility. However I have also spent much time considering if any experience would be true and fulfilled if experienced alone... with no-one to share it or to remember it.

I have asked this question to many travellers that I've met. The story of McCandless is quite emphatic on this. The clip below shows the part of his journey where he is alone and starving and remembering the people he met when he first set out. What he writes is the essence of his story:

'Happiness is only real when shared'

On that note we are looking at 'Community' in TRUE tomorrow night. Don't miss it!

This too shall be made right.....

2008-05-06T18:40:00.004Z

My brother JBAM left this song as a comment on my last post. I post it by way of apologising to him for taking his car and abandoning it in Carrickfergus (this too shall be made right!).

Also because the lyrics are powerful and moving. Check it out on youtube, by a guy called Derek Webb:

people love you the most for the things you hate,
and hate you for loving the things that you cannot keep straight.
people judge you on a curve,
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve,
this too shall be made right

children cannot learn when children cannot eat.
stack them like lumber when, children cannot sleep.
children dream of wishing wells,
whose waters quench all the fires of Hell.
this too shall be made right.

the earth and the sky and the sea are all holding their breath.
wars and abuses have nature groaning with death,
we say we’re just trying to stay alive
but it looks so much more like a way to die.
this too shall be made right.

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
I join the oppressors of those who I choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide
this too shall be made right

That's My King

2008-04-28T16:27:00.003Z

I showed this video in cell on Friday night. The dialogue is from a well known sermon by S M Lockridge. It was recorded on some dodgy device at the back of an African-American church many years ago. Technology has improved the sound and 'Ignite Media' have put it over some drum & bass and nice images.

At present I feel entrapped in place of disillusionment and frustration. So many dreams unfulfilled and goals unrealised. I want to lay down my life to see this kingdom come but struggle to surmount the extenuating circumstances and self-doubt that block the way.

These words have grasped my heart and brought fire to my soul. To be a true servant of this irresistible King is the chief end of all of my hopes, dreams and ambition.

2008-04-21T21:50:00.001Z

Miss you Lins

The Prosperity Gospel

2008-04-11T17:19:00.003Z

Brian H wrote recently about TV evangelists, expressing much of the righteous anger that my mates and I have often shared. These multi-millionaires with their prosperity gospel. Is this why Jesus was beaten and crucified? So we could have more stuff??

They steal from the sick and the vulnerable with twisted scripture and fraudulent promises. Promises of health, money and a long life if only we could have a little faith and make a donation to the 'Lord's work'.

Anyway, it's not all bad. Here's a video I enjoyed....... (I have a child-like faith!)

'Mock the devil and he will flee from you' C.S.Lewis

True Spirituality

2008-03-31T11:05:00.003Z

My friend Brother Thierry (Bro T) is coming to speak to us at TRUE on Wednesday night @ 8pm. Don't miss it!
Check TRUE blog for details.

Davy and Sheena Mull

2008-03-27T18:24:00.003Z

Well my wee bro got married yesterday. Was a beautiful day. Great to have the extended family under one roof along with friends old and new. Felt proud to be his groomsman, brother and friend..... and delighted that he now has a mighty fine wife!

Anyway for those who requested it, here is the video we showed. I'm glad to say that Sheena's mum has forgiven us!

The Logic of Power

2008-03-19T16:16:00.009Z

Ok last burst of frustration then I'll try and lighten up the blog for a while.

Tomorrow marks the fifth anniversary of the US-led invasion of Iraq. George Bush said today that they had achieved:

"a major strategic victory in the broader war on terror".

Agreed?

700,000 killed and 4 million refugees..... and here is the financial cost... keep reading......

It is estimated that the overall cost of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is somewhere between $5 trillion and $7 trillion for the US alone and another $6 trillion for other countries.

Officially, the US spends $16 billion every month to occupy Iraq and Afghanistan (this figure includes only direct expenses).

The United Nations estimates that $195 billion would end world hunger and most of the devastating diseases afflicting the world’s poor. AIDS, tuberculosis, malaria, extreme poverty could all be brought into manageable numbers or completely eradicated for less than the cost of one year of war in Iraq!!!

The world is so screwed up.

(btw this is a criticism of War, not of America which has produced many good things and great people like Eilis!)

The Stupidity of Man

2008-03-10T21:28:00.008Z

Brian H had a great poem on his blog recently about the task of a Christian being recklessness. Well a lot of rage has gathered inside me that needs venting.

Violence breeds violence. Violence escalates. How stupid is mankind? Will we never learn? Violence makes things worse.

Last week the Israeli army killed 125 people in Gaza (over half civilians including many children). Their blockade on Gaza amounts to collective punishment by denying Palestinians their basic human needs. Christian Aid, Amnesty and other organisations have critisised the situation stating that the peopel of Gaza are 'battered and starved'.

The Israeli government say their actions are to stop rocket fire. Has it stopped? Of course not it has got worse. The threat on the Israeli people has become greater because of their government's actions.

Also last week a Palestinian gunman slaughtered 9 Israeli students in Jerusalem. What did he hope to achieve by taking these innocent lives? He has put his own people under more threat.

Further afield..........
The US (and allies) want to defeat terrorism so they bomb the hell out of Afganistan and Iraq.

The war costs the US $275 million per day
Almost 4,000 U.S. soldiers killed and more than 60,000 wounded
700,000 Iraqis killed and 4 million refugees

Is terrorism defeated? No it is has grown and spread and become a greater threat than ever before.

The thing that pisses me off more than anything is Christians who (even on this blog) justify the some of the actions I have mentioned as being part of God's plan.

Not the God I believe in.......
The God I believe in makes it possible to view all men as equal- Arab and Jew, Iraqi and American.

2008-03-01T13:01:00.002Z

Morning's news. At least 32 more palestinians killed last night including 4 children and 2 teenage girls.

'Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice anywhere' Martin Luther King Jr

Justice for all?

2008-02-28T17:41:00.004Z

(Picture 1 : Taken on a beautiful night with a Palestinian family in the West Bank)

Everyday when I get home from work I check out the world news online to find out what is happening in Israel and Palestine. It breaks my heart almost daily as I read of more deaths. I rarely talk or write about it because it's hard for people to relate when they haven't seen the situation.

When I was in Palestine I wrote here that the situation in Gaza was a timebomb. Over the past few months it has begun to blow. Due to rocket fire from Gaza, Israel have launched collective punishment on the people there. The borders are closed and the supply of the basic needs for life have been restricted.

Everyday you read about the Israeli army moving into Gaza, killing militants and far too often civilians. As those of us born into the Northern Ireland troubles can relate to, there is much fault on both sides. Two days ago a Palestinian rocket killed an innocent Israeli. This was the first Israeli killed by a rocket in nine months. In response Israel launched an attack yesterday killing 5 militants but also a six month old baby. Today 4 palestinian boys were killed while playing soccer.
(Picture: A wee palestinian lad who I played footie with outside Bethlehem)

In the nine months since the last Israeli died, 200 palestinians have been killed. The population in Gaza are struggling with poverty and oppression.

I love Israel and her people but I wonder if their government is really obeying what YAHWEH has commanded through the Torah and the prophets.

Isaiah pleads with the people to seek justice, correct oppression, and defend the fatherless and the widow (Isaiah 1:17). Proverbs teaches that the Lord will plead the cause of the poor over those who rob them or cheat them in courts of law (Proverbs 22:22-23). The list goes on.

Israel's prime minister Elud Olmert says he wants 'terrorists' to pay a heavy price.
But who are the terrorists?

UGANDA 2008

2008-02-20T22:06:00.004Z

Really excited about going back to Jandira this summer. I wrote about the last trip here.
This year I'm helping me old pal Al lead two teams of 76 people altogether to build a secondary school. Plans are coming together and we got a kick-ass team assembled. Check out the Emmanuel-Africa website that Zico and Rick have put together.

This will be my fourth time in Africa and I'm more excited than ever because of the potential of this project. To give secondary education here is to give hope and a future. We believe that ‘Light to the Nations Secondary School’ can produce men and women of God who can be future leaders and influencers in Uganda. Read more about it on Al's blog.

We holding a big auction on 29th March. All proceeds going to the building fund. Let me know if you think you could contribute any items that would make us some cash.

Webelinio sebo

Silence is Golden

2008-02-11T21:39:00.007Z

I spent another couple of days in Rostrevor last weekend with the Benedictine Monks. I wrote about my previous visit here. I would highly recommend a retreat there for anyone who would like to get away from the noise and stress of life.

The monastry is a modern building set in a valley surrounded by the mourne mountains. It is designed to let the maximum amount of light in.

Brother Thierry has become a friend (a friend who reads this blog!). An hour in conversation with him provided me with more wisdom and reality that reading 20 books could. It feels like having a chat with Jesus, at least how I imagine that would feel.

Come on now, little one, get away from your worldly occupations for a while, escape from your tumultuous thoughts. Lay aside your burdensome cares and put off your laborious exertions. Give yourself over to God for a little while, and rest for a while in Him. Enter into the cell of your mind, shut out everything except God and whatever helps you to seek Him once the door is shut. Speak now, my heart, and say to God, "I seek your face; your face, Lord, I seek." [Anselm's Proslogion xxvi]

Kierkegaard, Bono and love.

2008-01-27T20:43:00.000Z

In the middle of a tough weekend a friend gave me an article which contained some beautiful but painful truths. It is by Mike Austin in 'Philosophy Today'. He is writing about authentic love through the words of Soren Kierkegaard and Bono (my two favourite writers!). I'll try to summarise it so stop reading now if you don't want to be bored by me clumsily writing about love.

Kierkegaard claims that authentic love is not a mysterious feeling, a mood of the soul or an empty promise. It is 'sheer action'.

The work of Kierkegaard and Bono seems to agree that romantic/human love is founded in preference, inclination, impulse and passion. This love is only a form of self-love, not focused on the well-being of the other. This love is expecting even demanding something in return. I love so I'll be rewarded with her love, her care and her affection. If my love is based on my preferences or on the traits of the one I love and my preferences or their traits change then my love changes.

'I could never take the chance Of losing love to find romance, In the mysterious distance Between a man and a woman' (U2)

Their solution then is to base love with something more lasting and stable. Romantic love must be based in divine love to be authentic. Kierkegaard claims that we should conceive of love as a moral duty.

Love as a duty is rooted in the eternal. God is unchanging like our emotions so this is a more firm foundation for our love. We become committed to another as a matter of conscience. A duty to love one another. Three become one.

Love as a duty doesn't take away the freedom, impulses and passion of romance. It is more free because it does not change when the object of love changes. On our own we fail to persevere, we tire of the other person, we feel like moving on to someone else. But authentic love (love as a duty) binds us together and gives us courage, strength and wisdom to hold on to the one we love when love's counterfeits would fail.

If anyone is still reading that was a really crap synopsis but ask me for a copy if you would like to read it. It may help you to avoid the mistakes that I made.

TRUE 2008

2008-01-16T17:10:00.000Z

Don't forget about TRUE this Wednesday night. We'll be looking at the journey so far and getting excited about the year ahead, learning how live out this Kingdom lifestyle. Our special guest is a popular local celebrity!!

Check out the TRUE blog. I have put up a breakdown of how the offering that you gave at the last TRUE has been distributed. A real highlight of my Christmas!

O little town of Bethlehem

2007-12-19T16:20:00.000Z

O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight

More fear than hope nowadays.

The Christmas readings and carols seem very different to me this year after my summer trip. I spent two weeks in Bethlehem (Palestine) just a 5 minute walk from the place they believe that Jesus was born.

Gone is my vision of a tranquil little village encircled by angels with fluffy sheep in fields around it. Now when I read of Bethlehem I think of a place where I have seen more pain, injustice, oppression and lack of freedom and hope than anywhere else I have been.

It's people are poor and carry the bitterness of a lifetime of imprisonment, hopelessness and the death of loved ones. The refugee camps are overcrowded and lack the basic human provisions of food, water, electricity. In the distance they can see beautiful settlements protected by high walls, where the mansions of their occupiers are built on the ruins of their simple homes.

I find it very difficult even now to write of these things. People have told me that I was just trying to be controversial when I wrote about my experiences in Israel and Palestine previously. I have examined myself and what I wrote and feel that I was trying to write honestly about my experience. But I have trouble:

1. Trying to relate my amazing experience in beautiful Israel (and the stories I heard there) with what I saw with my own eyes in Palestine.

2. Trying to write honestly about the situation when I know that the majority of people reading have been brought up to support the nation of Israel (as I was). Therefore what I write will seem controversial.

3. Trying to reconcile my love for Israel and the Jews (both biblical and modern-day) with the brutal occupation that their government and their IDF are currently enforcing in Palestine. Just check out the world section on the BBC site for almost daily stories of death and destruction.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Check out a brilliant article in National Geographic here which mirrors my own experiences in Bethlehem. It is also an excellent historical account of Bethlehem and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

"It's easy to think of Bethlehem as the center of the world," says Mayor Batarseh. "This can't be a place where calm never exists. If the world is ever going to have peace, it has to start right here."

Also check out the Bethlehem Christmas Project which is a team of Americans, Israelis and Palestinians who are delivering gifts to children in Bethlehem.

Pray for the Christians living in Palestine. Imprisoned behind a huge wall and forgotten by the evangelical community around the world. Living where the Hope of the world was born and yet living without hope.

Love, life and loss

2007-12-08T23:41:00.000Z

2007 will always be remembered by me as a year of loss. Also as a year when I saw love like I have never seen love before, pure and complete. The love of a husband for his wife and a family for their daughter and sister.

Lindsay was a friend and a gentle inspiration to me. In cell on Friday we had a beautiful night praying together and discussing the year past and the year ahead. But the over-riding emotion was the feeling that Lins should have been there. Over the confusion and questions I just miss her.

Please join us this Friday night. Check Al's blog for details.

2007-12-04T17:08:00.000Z

Don't miss TRUE tomorrow night! Details here.

Abstinence hurts??

2007-11-27T20:34:00.000Z

Sometimes I feel like a liberal but I guess my upbringing in religious N.I. has resulted in me being quite conservative in reality.

Therefore I found the article I was reading today uncomfortable. I used to volunteer with Christian Aid. As it is World Aids Day this Saturday I wanted to read up on the current issues. I found an article on the C.A. website quite shocking.

They are basically saying that Christians should not teach abstinence as it is causing people to catch HIV. They claim that (according to their partners) the teaching of abstinence is fueling the AIDS pandemic.

Here are some quotes that Christian Aid have included in their article:

In the US, the much-publicised True Love Waits programme, under which teenagers vow to keep their virginity until marriage, has left young people vulnerable to unwanted pregnancies and sexually-transmitted infections.

'Abstaining is not realistic. The church says to abstain, but it is a lie. It is better to tell the truth and use a condom.’

'I stand on the side of comprehensive programmes. Abstinence alone does not work; we have to face reality. Abstinence preaching is unrealistic, and it is not Christian.

‘Those who preach abstinence are running away from responsibility, not facing life.’

I am passionate about the world finding a way to end the spread of HIV/AIDS. I understand where they're coming from but find it really hard to accept. Firstly in the light of scripture and secondly in my own experience of 27 years, in which I have found that abstinence is difficult but definitely possible.

You can find article here.

I would love to be better informed by those with more knowledge. Any thoughts?

Sheep and Goats

2007-11-11T22:33:00.000Z

(from asbo Jesus)

This week Tearfund are trying to mobilise local churches into a global week of prayer for poverty.

There are 2.2 million children in the world today. One million of these (EVERY SECOND CHILD!) are living in poverty.

The statistics are head wrecking and unfortunately often mind-numbing. However in the gospel I read we aren't left with much of an option but to do something. To pray and then be ready to be the answer to our prayers.

I've been really challenged by Matthew 23 where we are basically told how God will decide who spends eternity with him. I don't need to blog about it because my brother has just done it beautifully. Check out davymull. Brilliant!

Saints and Sinners

2007-11-05T19:06:00.001Z

Some of my favourite worship songs are-
- Amazing Grace
- Be Thou my Vision
- Gloria- U2
- Our God Reigns- Delirious
- Indescribable- Chris Tomlin
- 40- U2
- Anything by REEDSTAR!

I went to see Shane Claibourne speak last week. He was talking about how the world needs to see Christians as being broken, screwed-up sinners just like them. Not the pious, holier-than-thou image that is often portrayed.

I saw a song on TV today that reflected this. Unfortunately it wasn't on a Christian channel. Rather it was MTV2 and a flippin teeny-bopper goth band. A song called 'The River' by Good Charlotte.

Good Charlotte for goodness sake and yet the lyrics seem to reflect the gospel message more than many of the white-washed vacuous 'artists' that you would find in a CCM magazine. Here's the chorus, watch the video below:

They say that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered

Na na na na na na HEY!!

2007-10-28T21:32:00.001Z

I feel like a rant.....

Everyone who knows me knows I'm not the greatest fan of contemporary 'worship' music. I've been feeling particularly aggrieved recently. When you go through a hard time music can be crutch, expressing part of your soul that words can't. But it's hard to find Christian music that does this.

I find it so frustrating that when we worship the great Creator that we often sing such dreary, trite, repetitive music. Around the world we have created Christian singer superstars (check CCM magazine). Our own celebrity sub-culture to match the world's. Except ours is crap.

Big-selling albums with one decent tune and a load of fillers. The same chords and lyrics in a different order. Surely God deserves better. I seem to find the fingerprints of God far more in music that is supposed to be secular.

Its especially difficult to find any Christian songs that speak in an articulate way about a world that is seriously screwed up. If we want a song about mission we have that 'God of Justice' tune and that's about it. Or else the Delirious song 'Our God Reigns' in which we leave out the verse because it's not 'congregational'.

Anyway here's my 5 favourite and 5 least favourite worship songs:

Least favourite:
1. Come now is the time to worship
2. More love, more power (How can we ask for more....He died for us!)
3. I Love , I Loooooooooooove, I love your presence................................
4. Over the mountains and the sea (How can a river run over a sea? Also, I don't really 'feel like dancing' at 30 bpm)
5. I'll let my words be few (Becomes ironic after repeating it 12 times)
(Bonus number 6- The one that goes 'Na na na na na na Hey!')

All this cynicism has worn me out.....I'll do my top 5 next time!

TRUE

2007-10-06T11:46:00.000Z

I'm really excited about the missional community that we have kicked off in church (Big Al's vision). I believe that through TRUE we will inspire and invision eachother to live out kingdom values on the earth. It feels like this is how church should be. It feels like this is what life should be.

Stevie Mc was dying with the flu but played a blinder. Check out his words on the TRUE blog!

The video above is something I put together for the worship. Acknowledging our numbness, voicing frustration and worshipping a God who reigns.

Grace

2007-09-20T15:08:00.000Z

I've felt so aware recently of the power of God's redemption and love. The need for and reality of grace.

Grace, she carries the world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace finds goodness in everything

Summer's End

2007-09-02T18:28:00.000Z

So the kids are back tomorrow. I never want to be one of those teachers who complains about starting back to work after 2 months holiday. I'm grateful for the opportunities that I have been afforded from the holidays that my job offers.

This summer has been a great adventure finished off with two weekends away with two different groups of brilliant friends, Doing Best Man for Gav last weekend in Scotland and Wiggy's stag this weekend.

I was chatting with some mates recently about what we would like our epitaphs to be. I said mine would be 'Lived Life to the Full'. I know this is cliched but here are some of the things that this means to me:

1. To daily work out my salvation for myself and follow the teachings of Jesus.
2. To care (really care) about the world and it's people, especially the poor and those struggling with injustice.
3. To the best of my ability, share in the pain of friends who are hurting.
4. To be passionate about the simple things that interest me (music, Liverpool FC, U2, The Last of the Mohicans etc).
5. To have a healthy body and mind.
6. To go the extra mile in my job even when not noticed.
7. To be the last person to go to bed at a party or night out.

I fail often in these but it's good to clarify and focus your mind at this time of year.

All of us are stained.

2007-08-18T17:08:00.000Z

Since travelling to a place of war and little hope it has been a big encouragement to reflect on how far my own little country of Northern Ireland has come in recent years. We have seen things happen that we never thought we would see. I was chatting to some of the guys about an experience I had when I was 16. We were walking home from doing a GCSE when we saw 2 IRA men shoot two policemen in the head from about 3 feet. I wrote this poem quite a few years back about the experience. Lurgan and N.I. has become a better place since I wrote it.

This is the land of black and white,
Whose God is a province and might is right.
Where babies get born in orange and green.
Red hair, left foot.
Yeah you know what I mean.
This story's found in Lurgan Town,
Where all of us are stained.

Enniskillen, Omagh, Shankill, Roselawn.
All of these days had a dawn.
On this day's dawn we lay uncovered,
Quiet and undiscovered.
But it came around in Lurgan Town,
All all of us were stained.

Sixteen years old and the futures bright,
Another milestone the world to light.
When to the left a thunder call,
Red cloud, staccato fall.
In Lurgan Town the two fell down.
And all of us are stained.

Growing up in a bubble shelter
I reached the bottom of the Helter Skelter.
Saw my innocence erode,
As I watched his head explode.
Lurgan Town will wear a frown,
And all of us are stained.

This is the land of black and white
Whose God is a province and might is right.
Over oceans and seas in many guises,
Cowboys and Indians and no surprises.
The world is found in Lurgan Town,
And all of us are stained.

COEXIST

2007-08-02T19:49:00.000Z

(more pics on flickr)

So the adventure has come to an end. i've been wanting to write some concluding thoughts and then give the blogging a rest for a while.

But how do you come to any conclusion? For a part of the world that has never seen peace. The birthplace of our Messiah has been a land of oppression and bloodshed. A meeting place, a melting pot, the centre for the clash of culture, politics and religion.

Babylon, Assyria, Persia, Greeks, Romans, Byzantines, Islam, Britain, Jordan, Israel, Hamas.......occupation and war.

I feel God brought me there and now I'm trying to work out why. It was perfect because I wanted to see both sides and the Israel team just happened to finish the day that a group were going out to Palestine. There are not many teams that do the practical stuff and meet people like we were able to in Israel. There are literally no other groups of foreigners who are able to go to the places and meet the people that we met in Palestine (thanks to Elias).

And so I feel privileged to have been immeresed briefly in both sides and I'm seeking guidance on how to follow-up and develop in my life. I don't want the experience to drift gradually into photoalbums and memories.

I visited places of extreme beauty and extreme pain. On both sides I met hurting, inspiring, hopeful and hopeless people. I lived with human beings without freedom. I experienced the best and the worst of religion.

For now I'll leave the theology of Zionism to the hundreds of book writers who have never set foot in half of the land. The facts are that right now Israel exists as do the Occupied Palestinian Territorys...
.....and when their people are considered simply as human beings, they are not equal.

It's so complicated and there are few answers but there is one thing I'm sure about...... It could never be God's will for one people group to prosper as a direct result of the oppresion and suffering of another.

If only Jews, Muslims and Christians could see their purpose in life like Jesus saw his....

'The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.'

SHALOM SALEM PEACE

Do I look suspicious?

2007-07-30T14:34:00.000Z

Please remind me never to fly with El Al again. After being up all night I arrived at the airport at 6 this morning and was subjected to the most ridiculous security check imaginable. I had to lie through my teeth about staying in Palestine or they wouldn't have let me on board. They emptied and searched both my bags five times. They interrogated me on anything resembling Arabic writing. They looked through all my photos and asked me a hundred times was I interested in Palestine. They put me in a little room for half an hour then performed a body search that left me violated. They almost had me convinced that I was a terrorist.

Security- 'Do you understand why we have to check you?'
Me- 'Eh the same reason as the last four times'
Security- 'Are you interested in Palestine?'
Me (into myself)- 'I'm interested in smashing your face into the desk so your nose is spread right round to your ears, then I'll pebble dash the back of your throat with your teeth.

To make matters worse the flight was so late I missed my connection so I'm now stuck in London, tired and emotional, with nothing better to do than have a good moan on my blog.

The Only Way

2007-07-28T14:11:00.000Z

(more pics here)

Marhaba Salam Shoukran

This will probably be my last blog before I leave. This week has mainly involved practical work including gardening, painting and building walls (for sitting on!) in Bethlehem and in a refugee camp. We have visited a home for people with special needs and an orphanage

We have also met some of the most inspirational Christians I have ever come into contact with. Here are two-

Jamile
This is the guy who brought us to different places to work. He was brought up as a Muslim but converted to Christianity. As a result he was disowned by his family and his wife. He is now back with his wife and praying for her. His brothers have tried to kill him. He devotes his life to serving.

He works in the house with people with special needs. He devotes all his spare time into going into Muslim homes and serving them, painting and doing manual labour. Even at weekends and days off he is serving. Through this witness and relationships he hopes to bring these people to Christ.

Philip Rizk
Philip came to speak to us on his way home from Gaza. He has been living there for two years and has a heart-breaking story of the suffering of the people there. I thought the West Bank was bad but this truly seems a place of misery.

The situation there has been on the news a lot. Basically they had elections that were the most democratic the Middle East have ever seen. Hamas won them as people wanted an alternative to the corruption and lack of results from Fatah. Because Hamas are fundamentalist Islam who want to wipe Israel off the map the results were not recognised by the international community.

Hamas have now seized control of Gaza by force and as a result the world has cut off all relations with the people there. Israel does not allow trade in or out of Gaza. The people are imprisoned. 1.2 out of the 1.5 million people living in Gaza are receiving food aid. 75% of the bread winners have no job.

The western perception is that Gaza is under Palestinain control since Israel removed all the Jewish settlements from the area. This is not true. Israel controls the air, the sea and the borders of Gaza. They are not allowed an airport, fishing is rationed, and the people are not allowed to move. All of the borders around Gaza are closed. It is a prison to 1.5 million people. Philip also described it as a zoo. People are fed and watered by aid agencies, they are kept alive but not allowed to leave. Foriegners come in, take pictures of those who are suffering and then leave. There is not a single western journalist living in Gaza.

Philip's best friend in Gaza recently lost 17 of his family when the Israeli army shelled his house. They called it a technical error. People don't get a trial or imprisonment there. They get shelled.
The place is at complete deadlock and all anyone wants to do there is to get out. With the division between Hamas and Fatah and the oppression from Israel this is a place without hope.

Philip is an amazing Christian. He admits there is no hope for the area except for the church. For Christ-like people to achieve a central role. To be salt and light.

This place is a timebomb and when it explodes it will affect the world. I have been thinking loads about the situation here and in the world. It has become Fundamentalist Islam v Western Society (standing for Israel and America). I think as Christians we have to take a third way. A road less travelled. The kingdom way. Following the teachings of Jesus to love our enemies, speak out against oppression and stand against injustice.

I am now more educated than ever about other religions. All my life I've struggled with that whole question- how do we know that we're right and they're wrong? I'm now convinced that hope for our world cannot be found through Islam, Judaism or patriotism. I've never been more sure that Jesus is the truth and the only way.

(Elias' grafitti)

Tent of Nations

2007-07-25T09:13:00.000Z

(more pics if you click here)

Spent the past few days roughing it at the Tent of Nations. Here I saw a ray of light and inspiration surrounded by despair and hopelessness.

The Tent of Nations sounds grand but it's basically a few tents and some farm land on 100 acres of free land. The man who runs it is a Palestinian Christian who is an inspiration in these parts because he is standing up to the Israeli state who want to take his land and fighting them in Israeli courts. He has created a place of reconciliation that all people can come and meet together.

Settlements
As you may be aware Israel is building many settlements in the Occupied Palestinian territorys. These are built on Palestinian land as most Palestinians do not have papers to prove that they have lived and worked on the land for generations. In 1967 the Israelis passed a law to prevent Palestinians from registering the land. The settlements are beautiful and highly fortified. The people there live like kings and queens while the Palestinian villagers who once owned the land struggle without enough food, water or electricity.

Tent of Nations
Dawod's grandfather began cultivating this land in 1916. The land was registered and there are papers showing ownership through the Ottoman/British/Jordanian and now Israeli occupations. It is basically a hill surrounded by Israeli settlements. Despite having the papers the Israelis having been trying to take the land since 1991. Everywhere else they just take it but Dawod has been fighting against all odd in the courts to keep it. It's an unbelievable story of intimidation from settlers and soldiers, being forced to spend thousands of dollars in court, and constant postponements. Settlers come with guns and destroy water tanks, uproot hundreds of trees and block the only road to the hill. The police do nothing.

He is not allowed to build anything on his own land. Not even a well for water or a chicken shed. He is not allowed electricity or a water supply.

Despite taking it to the Israeli High Court it still hasn't been resolved. Pray for this place. It's a rare spot of hope. Dawod brings angry teenagers from the city and teaches them peace and hope and tries to help them work towards building a better, non-violent country. He is trying to teach them to create something from nothing....redemption. So they don't sit around and cry and become victims. We stayed with a crowd of teenagers from Bethlehem and had an amazing time. They are just like the lads from Lurgan except they are caged.They crave our freedom.

The Village
Dawod is also the hope for the village below the hill. The village that used to own all the land where these huge Israeli settlements are now built. They now live on 20% of the land they once owned and are not allowed to expand. The village is 100% Muslim.... so we have a Christian family fighting for the rights of the Muslim neighbours.

We walked into the village last night. Despite being Christian foreigners we were welcomed with open arms. We had a crowd of 50 odd kids following us about. The situation is critical. We met a doctor who volunteers in the only clinic there. He talked about the intimidation from the settlers. They come down and shoot people. They dump their rubbish and sewage into the village. The people here are short of everything. Water and electricity is scarce. The clinic does not even have bandages to treat wounds.

To compound all of this in 2 months time the wall is going to be built around the village. There will only be one exit and the people will be under curfew. They are not allowed to build a hospital and the nearest one is in Bethlehem. This is only 10 minutes away but because of all the checkpoints (in Palestinian land) and the wall it will take hours to get there. The doctors fear that many will die. Basically they just want the people to give up and leave.

The doctor admitted the situation is hopeless for them. I have seen hope in him, in Dawod, in Elias. These amazing Christian guys who reject the easy option of violence and decide to forgive and work towards a better future. However, they have all said the same thing to me that has been repeated by many people that I have met.....that dogs in Israel are worth more than people in Palestine.

From what I've seen I couldn't disagree and it keeps me awake at night.

Anyway, we cheered ourselves up by writing some grafitti on the wall!

'Welcome my friend'

2007-07-22T13:21:00.000Z

Marhaba Habibi

I'm feeling much better and thinking with more clarity the past couple of days. I'm having fun so Mum you can stop worrying! Got lots of pics but computers are crap so I can't post them.

For the first few days in Palestine I couldn't handle what I was seeing. After loving Israel so much I wanted to remain in that place. To reminisce in all I had done and believe everything I had heard. I just wanted to go home and not have to turn my face towards the situation here. I was resisting it because by mind couldn't handle it. But no longer.

I've thought a lot about the theology of Zionism but that's for another time. The fact is that even if it was God's plan for Israel to be formed in 1948, the way it has been implemented is simply wrong. If my love for Israel remains after this trip it will be as a father who is watching his son do wrong and is angry. I can't brush Palestine under the carpet like many seem to have done.... so I've turned my face and am embracing the situation here, soaking up as much as I can. I've always hated injustice and the denial of human rights. Never before have I seen it so blatant yet accepted and sanctioned by religion.

I love being with the people here. I've travelled a lot but never met such friendly and welcoming people as these Bethlehem folk. Everywhere you go you hear 'hello', 'marhaba', 'where you from', 'welcome', 'you are welcome'. You walk down the street and everyone wants to chat. We go on a 5 minute bus journey and get invited to people's villages and houses for food or Arabic coffee. It's a pity we're too busy to accept all these offers.

Sitting smoking water pipe and listening to people's stories is both entertaining and heart-wrenching. They have developed an amazing resilience and community spirit very similar to what I have seen in Africa. However, in their eyes and words they carry deep hurt. Hurt from the past and a fear that the future is worse. They crave freedom. They miss friends, family, lovers who lie on the other side of this oppresive, impregnable wall.

Despite this I have seen hope. Not in politics or religion for surely there is no hope here. But in people. I have seen Jesus in Christians and Muslims (!). This morning we went to Emmanuel Church in Bethlehem! It was an amazing time of worship. I couldn't understand a word but the music was at the same time haunting, heart-wrenching and uplifting. Elias said the words were a cry to God for help and freedom in a time of drowning and no hope. I'll get him to translate one for me.

Anyways, sorry for these long posts. I've so much more to say but everyone has probably stopped reading by now. I was thinking of this verse this morning. Jesus was born 3 minutes from where I'm currently sitting. I wonder if he weeps for the children who are born here now.

But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,

are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;

for out of you will come a ruler

who will be the shepherd of my people Israel

Occupation

2007-07-19T18:24:00.000Z

I still feel like a cloud of something like depression has been following me around here. It is ridiculous and hard to explain when I consider my position in comparison to the Palestinian people and some of my friends and home who are really hurting. Nevertheless it's hard to shake.

I knew the things I would see and hear here would be different but they are opposite extremes. From falling in love with Jerusalem and Israel to seeing what they are doing here. From being told to be a Christian is to be a Zionist to being told you can't be a Christian and a Zionist. I came here with a viewpoint and after much thought and processing it changed completely. Now it's changing again and it's too much to take in.

So much to say and so little time but here goes.....

Palestine

Passing the checkpoint from Israel to Palestine is moving from a Western country to a third world country. You can read the history on Wilkipedia or something and work out the theology and politics for yourself. I'll talk about what I see.

Israel has only existed since 1948 when the UN decided to set up a Jewish state. It was formerly Palestine and those who lived in villages there were forced out and their houses destroyed. Now 6 million refugees live in refugee camps in Gaza, West Bank and othe Arab nations.

The occupation has been brutal beyond words. We have heard stories that aren't propoganda or rumours but real life people who are suffering.

The Wall

This will become the centrepiece of my trip. The israelis say it is for security and point to the fact that attacks have become less since it was erected. Palestinians point to the fact that it is not built on the UN green lines that divide Israel and the West Bank but rather miles outside, stealing land and freedom from the people here. Bethlehem is basically like a large cage that Palestinians cannot travel beyond.

Elias

Elias is an amazing Palestinian Christian who is rapidly becoming a good friend. The wall was built right beside his house removing the land his family owned. He watched during the last intifada as kids threw stones and soldiers and the soldiers shot back and killed them. I'm not taking sides here but it really pissed me off yesterday as we all went to Jerusalem and he couldn't come. Palestinians are not allowed into Israel without special permission. It is only 15 minutes from his house. A crowd of random foreigners can roam this land freely but the Elias, a Christian who traces his ancestors for 500 years in this country cannot move past the wall 100 yards from his house.

Refugee Camps

We visited Camp Lajee on the first day, home to 4500 people. These people were forced to leave their villages and come here. When they came they had some land around but now the wall is built there is zero space for them to move or for kids to play. This is to create space for Jewish settlements in the area (more about these later). If the wall is just for security why not build it aroung the settlement rather and let the people in the camp keep their land?

Today we were at Dheisheh refugee camp. 11,000 people live here in an area of 500 m square. The main problems are water and electricity which are controlled by the Israeli state. In the winter they run out of electricity and are cold. In the summer they don't have enough water to supply basic needs. The people are hungry and impoverished. They go to school and university but there are no jobs because the economy here is so bad and they have no land. Unemployment in Palestine is 75 per cent.

Even in our accomadation we have to be carefull water becuase when the tank runs out it only gets filled when the Israeli state decide to fill it. This means rationing of toileting and showering for us....beautiful! It's ok for 2 weeks, this is life for those in Bethlehem.

Christians

I was told that Christians here were being persecuted but this is simply untrue. We went to Bethlehem Bible College and met the man who trains pastors in the West Bank. It is opposite a 100% muslim refugee camp and they have no problem. Elias' mother runs a Christian bookshop beside the Fatah/PLO office and there is no issue. The people live in harmony so far.

There are 600 Christian organisations or 'missions' working in Israel. That's great but in the West Bank there are only 4 including YWAM seeking to share God's love with the poor and downtrodden here. 20% of Bethlehem are Christian, mainly Greek orthodox or Catholic. There less than 1000 'evangelicals'. It is so difficult for them.

People

The people here are amazingly warm and welcoming considering what they have been through. An example is in 2002 during the Second Intifada. There was a 40 day curfew imposed on Elias and all of Bethlehem. The people had no food and water. If they came out they got shot. I spoke to one guy whose brother stepped out to play and got shot in the head and killed. Another who opened the window and got shot.

I spoke to another guy whose father was 70 year old and decided to go get some food thinking the soldiers wouldn't touch him. He got 73 bullets in his back. Can you understand why these people may be angry?

We met a guy who is not a terrorist though I'm pretty sure has fought against the Israeli army. It was uncomfortable to hear his story. I'd been told in Israel that all Palestinians wanted the Jews out and Palestine restored. This guy said all they want is one state where Muslims, Jews and Christians can live together freely and equally. He said that no-one wants to be a fighter. No-one chooses to die or to kill. But they are living in inhumane conditions. He looked at us and said he wanted to be like us- to travel, to have his own house, to have a job, to have a girlfirend. I'll never condone violence but I shed a tear as he spoke.

I have so much more to say about what I have learned on both sides. I have been given a unique opportunity to see both and feel the pain on both sides. I have to go now but hopefully will get a chance to write more. In Israel they told me I have to stand for Israel and go home and tell the people and my church about their plight. Here they tell me there's no point in being here unless I can tell people at home about the situation in Palestine. So what do I bring home? There's no middle ground and seemingly no hope.

I hope it becomes clearer, my mind is still open.

Palestine

2007-07-17T12:06:00.000Z

On arriving yesterday I sat under the wall waiting for Elias and looked at a vision of oppression and struggle everywhere.

I would appreciate prayer at this point. My head is so wrecked I can't write about what I have seen here so far. I have come from 2 amazing but intense weeks. I feel like I gave everything I had there and have nothing left to give. Everything I hear and see in Bethlehem is the polar opposite of what I have heard so far. My mind can't take anymore in.

I miss having a laugh with the great friends I made on the other team. Everything was full of wonder and fun and now all I see is pain and injustice. Where before I wanted to be at the centre of everything that was going on, I'm now just following people around quietly trying to work out how I'm going to get through 2 weeks. Sorry for complaining. I know I'm in an amazing position and I'll come around but I'm just trying to be honest with myself at this point.

Jerusalem, if i forget you

2007-07-16T07:26:00.000Z

Team have all gone their separate ways. I'm waiting in Jerusalem alone for a cab to the West Bank checkpoint at Bethlehem. I have had two of the best weeks of my life on so many levels. Emotional, physical, spiritual and craic!

Day 9
Went to the Mount of Olives this morning and walked the Palm Sunday Path. Visited the Garden of Gethsemane. Lots of the places they show you here from the bible are where they 'traditionally believe' Jesus was. They are sure however that this is the garden.

We then went to the place that they traditionally believe is Golgotha and the tomb of Jesus. The guide had some convincing arguments but you could never be sure. Nevertheless it was first century place of crucifixion and burial and so again provides the visual aspect to the bible. We took communion there and it was special.

Hit the town at night with some of the great friends I've found here. It was the opening night of an Irish pub called 'Dublin'. So I took the plaudits like a true Irishman and drank Guinness with a Canadian, 2 Norwegians and a German. Surreal.

Day 10
I helped out this morning at a Shook Carmel Ha'lr soup kitchen. This is a place run by some Jews for the poor and hungry of the Old City of Jerusalem. The key is dignity and giving people a hand up. It looks like a nice restaurant and they come and sit and eat like normal human beings. Rich people come and eat and pay what they want and the poor eat for free. They then follow up on the children and adults that come and help them find a place in life. Awesome.

I sat chopping onions with a Jewish guy with a long beard and we talked about the political situations in Ireland and Israel. Because of my cynical nature I find it hard to accept everything I've been told from people from outside of Israel but this guy gave the troubles here a face.

He was a gentle, peaceful man who talked about his experiences of terror attacks on crowded streets and the day that Arabs shot his best friend as he sat beside him in the car. Chatting with him made me realise that we are not getting the full picture at home. Yes the Israelis have made mistakes but it is obvious that the average person in Jerusalem is living with a great deal of pain from the past and fear for the future.

The most important place was kept to the end. We went up onto the Temple Mount. This is where the temple was originally built, where the 'holy of holys' resided. Now the 'Dome of the Rock' (the Islamic mosque) is built there. As I stood and listened it is clear that this is the most controversial place in the world. The second Intifada started when Ariel Sharon visited it. The Jews pray at the Wailing Wall because it's the closest place they can get to their most holy place. This is occurring in their country. They can excavate around but not under the temple mount. If they did it would be WW3 between Islam and the West and that's not exaggerating. So the Israeli state maintains the status quo.

Everything I originally thought has been turned on its head here. I'm open to it changing again in Palestine. I still find it hard to say I support Israels leaders and its IDF but I have fallen in love with this land.

My mother used to make me pray for peace in Israel before every meal and once again this is my prayer.

Psalm 122 (The Message)
When they said, "Let's go to the house of God," my heart leaped for joy.

And now we're here, O Jerusalem, inside Jerusalem's walls!

Jerusalem, well-built city, built as a place for worship!

The city to which the tribes ascend, all God's tribes go up to worship,

To give thanks to the name of God, this is what it means to be Israel.

Thrones for righteous judgment are set there, famous David-thrones.

Pray for Jerusalem's peace!

Prosperity to all you Jerusalem-lovers!

Friendly insiders, get along!

Hostile outsiders, keep your distance!

For the sake of my family and friends,

I say it again: live in peace!

For the sake of the house of our God, God,

I'll do my very best for you.

Day 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8

2007-07-11T14:52:00.000Z

Shalom Shabbat

Excuse my lack of writing. The itinerary for this team is unreal. Every day we are doing things that is the stuff of dreams. We have little free time and when there is some I want to be out exploring and soaking it all in. This is a country like no other. Everything is so rich and diverse and wonderful.

Israel is like God- the more I learn about it the less I understand.
My head is fried trying to process it all but here goes.

Day 3 and 4

Our first project at a Hadassah Neurim Youth Village on the Mediterranean Coast. It's a village where many young people from Israel, Ethiopia, Ghana and and Arab nations live together. The common factor is that they come from abusive or poverty-stricken backgrounds.

I spent two days on the garden team swinging the hoe in temperatures over 35 degrees C! Nothing in Africa compared me for the fatigue of this. However, at night it felt amazing to sit by pool or a fire, cleaned bucked, just hanging out with folk. The team are amazing.

Day 5

One of those rare days that you experience in life that will live with you forever. Left the coast for the Dead Sea. This is the lowest point on earth with temperatures hitting 40 degrees C. Swimming in the Dead Sea is an incredibly surreal experience. The 'sand' is just a layer of salt. It's packed thick with salt and minerals. You couldn't sink even if you wanted to. You feel the stinging of cuts in places that you didn't know you had places!

Left the Dead Sea for the Judean Desert and spent the night sleeping in tents with the Bedouin. This was sweet for me cos I been teaching my kids about them this year. Bedoiun means 'Desert People'. They're also known as nomads.

It was my first chance to experience Arab hospitality and it was fascinating. They welcome friend and enemy to their tent because they say 'one day visitor, another day host'. They give the visitor 3 little cups of coffee;

1 to show respect

2 to offer protection

3 for fun!

If a criminal or known thief comes to visit they give them a full cup of coffee. This means that the criminal should leave without losing face. If the criminal; drinks the coffee the host is still obligated to feed and water the criminal. In this way they show respect to all and avoid ego giving way to conflict.

Ate an amazing Bedouin meal, went for a camel ride into the sunset, and stayed up most of the night staring at the stars. There are no obstructions in the desert, just stars all around, like a planetarium. I've rarely felt more insignificant and so in awe of God in one moment.

Day 6

Today was mainly travel to Jerusalem and lectures. Have just arrived in a pretty plush hotel after sleeping on the ground the last few nights. I'm bursting to get out and explore the city.
Will chat write later about lectures because everything is blurry.

Day 7
Woke up this morning and thought, 'My God, I'm in the centre of the universe'. We went into the Old City of Jerusalem this morning through the Jaffa Gate. We walked around the walls of the city in prayer and wonder. Pictures don't do it justice. All around tou are looking at; David's City, the Mount of Olives, Mount Zion, Gehenna, and all these places that you have heard about Jesus walking and doing miracles.

We spent the day doing clean-up in the Arabic quarter of the Old City. It is full of narrow bustling streets, people of all shapes and creeds, shops, noise, colour, the smell of spices and leather. It is a place like no other.

In the afternoon we did a kid's club for some arabic kids which was pretty much like kids clubs in N.I. or Africa. Kid's are the same wherever. It's when they grow up that shit happens in the world. Right beside where we did the club these were houses were young men were being indoctrined and trained as terrorists.

In the evening we had a bbq beside Mount Zion (where Jesus will return someday). Later a few of us went back into the Old City to soak it up. We got lost in the maze of streets and eventually made our way to the Western/Wailing Wall. I think we can us the word 'epiphany' too easily but this was definately a moment of emotion and wonder. At night it is beautifully lit with hundreds of Jews worshipping with their body and soul. I said some prayers for friends at home.

Day 8
Like I have said this trip is incedibly diverse. They told us about the flood of Sudanese refugees that have been flooding into Israel from Darfur and from the south of Sudan. They are escaping the government sponsored genocide there. Thousands of Christians and non-Arabs (black moslims) have been killed and millions displaced by the Sudanese government. They are flooding into Egypt and surrounding areas and often being persecuted there too. Hundreds have ended up in Israel and the Christian Embassy (which is what I am here with) are trying to look after them.

Anyways I persuaded a couple of people to take me to see a family that they are looking after. It is a Muslim family that walked barefoot through the Sinai Desert, through Egypt and into Israel. The wife was pregnant and just gave birth yesterday. I spent this morning talking brokenly with the father and playing with their beautiful kids.

This afternoon we went into the city of David and walked around walls that where built by David, Nehemiah and Hezekiah. We went underground into Hezekiah's Tunnels. This is a incredible maze of tunnels built by Hezekiah 1000 odd years BC to supply Jerusalem with water. It is a 45 minute claustopbobic walk through knee deep water by torch light....awesome!

Well that's me up to date. So much more has happened but I have to head off again now. I think I'm having the time of my life.

Israel/Palestine thoughts at present

My head is offically completely fried trying to get around the situation here. In my small group I kicked off a debate by saying the lectures we were going to were one-sided and not showing the full picture. Since then people keep giving me stuff to read and trying to get me to their way off thinking. The team are amazing though and do it with a heart of compassion for Israel and the Jews. And to be honest they are gettng through. One of the lads just said to me I'm the voice for the Palestinians on this tour. This is stupid cos I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, I just want to find some truth.

The more I listen to people the more I appreciate the plight of the Jews. From the time when Christians were murdering millions of them in the name of God while singing hymns, through the Spanish Inquisition, to the Holocaust where the church was only conspicuous by it's abscence in speaking out.

The Jews and have a victim mentality but then most of the time they seem to be the victims so they have a right. We have heard much about the nuclear threat of Iran and the surrounding Arab nations. As much as I have asked for balance the truth is that fanatical groups and governments of surrounding muslim countries have openly said that they want to wipe Israel off the map. Some of them refuse to give aid to Palestine or accept Palestinian refugees because they want to 'use Palestine as a baseball bat against the Arab nations'.

I came out here thinking that the media coverage at home was biased in favour of Israel and now and I'm not so sure. We are told constantly here that the world is against Israel, and some of the reasons they give ring true. The Israelis live in constant fear of terrorist attacks from home or abroad, and especially of a nuclear strike from Iran which is building the capabilities to strike a holocaust with one bomb. One of the lecturers said that world opinion has never been more against the Jews since the the time of the Holocaust and I find this hard to disagee with.

I haven't admitted this here and still find myself arguing for the Arabs but....
....as much as the Israelis have screwed up I find it hard to argue that they are a threat the leaders of some of the surrounding Arab countries.

I have so much more written down but no time to write it here.

It's clear to me that geographically (it borders Europe, Asia and Africa), religiously and politically, Israel is the centre of the world. I feel like a tit for thinking I had any idea about the Israelis and their role in this conflict before I came here.

Either way, as I walk the streets that Yeshua walked, I am sure that this is a Holy land.

Pics on flickr. Click on link right.

Day 2

2007-07-06T18:33:00.000Z

Nazareth is interesting in that it is home to 35,000 Jews, 35,000 Christian Arabs and 35,000 Muslims and they all co-exist peacefully.

Today we went;

-for a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee.

-to the place where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount.

-the church where he turned water into wine.

-where he had his last meal with the disciples.

-the place where he asked Peter did he love him.

Some people seemed affected but I didn't have any warm, fuzzy, spiritual experiences in any of these except in the beautiful scenery and landscape. However, it does provide a visual idea of the gospel stories. Standing at the Sea of Galilee it was easy to imagine Jesus standing with his mate Peter and asking him did he really love him.

We visited all these old sights and had 3 lectures today. Despite this my epiphany came from a conversation with an old Jewish lady. She had visited Belfast so we had common ground. She told me about the suicide bombs and murders of men, women and children before her eyes. Her stories gave me a feeling for the first time for the hurt that has been caused to the Jews by Palestinians. I know I will see the other side too.

Lectures are very pro-Israel Zionist. The guy tonight asked every one to put up their hands if they were a Christian Zionist and I was the only one that didn't. My heads is wrecked trying to sift through all the words and find find some black and white in the grey. Actually colour would be better, it gets depressing. I try to explain to people that I could take them to either side in Ireland and tell them of atrocities by the other side and convince them those they are with are in the right. As far as I can see in two days there is much evil and much good in the actions of Christians, Jew and Muslim in this region.

I'm going to find some colour.

Sea of Galilee

Where Jesus asked Peter did he love him (allegedly).

Church of the Beatitudes (Where Srmon on the Mount took place (allegedly!))

Day 1

2007-07-06T09:25:00.000Z

Shalom

Journey over was smooth enough. Got singled out by El Al for interrogation at Heathrow. I'd been told that they could stop me entering Israel if they thought I was going to Palestine so I told a mixture of economical truths and lies.

Spent all 5 hours of the flight chatting with the Jewish Rabbai next to me. He got all his textbooks and stuff out and made it his mission to educate me. Jews do not convert so he didn't try to evangelise me....so I didn't evangelise him either. Topics of conversation included:
-Heaven and hell
-Being a Jewish Christian
-Jesus
-Islam
-Secular v Orthodox
-Monotheism

Taxi from airport took us through the valley of Armageddon (I wondered if I would return here someday!) and through to Nazareth. For 2 days we're staying in a hotel overlooking Nazareth and the Valley of Armageddon. It's an incredibly beautiful place. As our taxi driver said:

'Your Jesus for sure know where to live eh?'

Valley of Armageddon and Nazareth from our hotel

Thoughts on departure

2007-07-03T16:24:00.000Z

Had a great weekend for Gav's stag in Galway. It involved fishing, cross-dressing, eating, drinking and being merry with friends. Check out pics here!

Off to Israel tomorrow. Itinerary looks pretty good. For the first couple of days I'll visit all the places I've been reading about since I was a kid. The rest of the time is doing practical work in community centres/hospital and working with Jewish and Arab Kids.

However, it's the last two weeks of July I'm really looking forward. The West Bank adventure!

Despite obvious excitement about the trip, part of me doesn't want to be going away for a month. I'm leaving friends here who are hurting badly. It's impossible to make it any better for those struggling with the loss of a loved one, but at least you can be there.

This time last year I was helping Al and Lins to lead a team to Uganda. As I stood with Al at her grave today it hit me how different the world seems. Lins' passing has left a massive hole. Nothing makes sense, nothing seems to fit. As I travel the Middle East I'll be thinking of her in Africa, in cell, at Summer Madness, and I'll be thinking of those who were closest to her in Ireland.

War

2007-06-27T20:18:00.001Z

With Palestine approaching (and in the headlines!) I've been thinking a lot about war.

Now I've never been a big Linkin Park fan (except for their dalliance with Jay Z) mainly because I don't like the nu-metal genre.

However their recent video for 'What I've done' really caught my eye. It contains shots of racism, war, addiction and environmental concerns and a hook that says:
So let mercy come,
And wash away... what I've done.

So I got the album. They have got the legendary Rick Rubin into produce it and I found much of it full of power, desperation and soul. I know my musical friends will slag me for this but just forget it is Linkin Park you are listening to and I defy you not to get sucked in.

Here's a track from the album called 'Hands Held High' It's a moving anti-war rally cry combining a floaty keyboard, arpeggiated guitar, choral vocals, and a military snare-beat.

Listen below with the lyrics from youtube. Keep listening to the end!

An open mind

2007-06-23T14:08:00.000Z

A glance at the news will see that the situation in Palestine is fragile. Hamas, the militant Islamic group, have taken control of Gaza. I'll be in Bethlehem which is in the West Bank. This part is controlled by Fatah who are secular nationalist group that want to make peace with Israel so should be safer.

I been reading up on the history of Palestine through the Crusdaer rule, Ottoman rule, British rule and now Israeli settlement and occupation. It's hard not to be opinionated in the light of some facts. However, I have always hated when people from other countries come to Northern Ireland thinking they know it all when there's no way of understanding the complications unless you were brought up here.

Check out Elias' myspace. He has an amazing story of coming from a place of hatred of Israel to a place of forgiveness and reconciliation. He watched from his house as little boys threw stones at tanks and the Israeli army shot back and killed them. Israel also took his families land away that they had owned for hundreds of years. He met and danced with some Jewish people and God worked in him. Now he lives to build bridges between Palestinian and Israeli.

(Allegedly this boy was shot by the Israeli army shortly after this picture was taken)

To the Middle East!

2007-06-19T18:37:00.001Z

This summer I'm heading to Israel and Palestine.

Week 1 and 2:
I'm flying out by myself and meeting up with a team of people in Jerusalem to do some hands-on stuff. This will include work with Jewish kids, working in a hospital and street work as well as a couple of days touring around.

The ethos of the team seems quite pro-Israel/Zionist and I wanted to see both sides of the story so.....

Week 3 and 4:
When the first team leave I will travel to Bethlehem which is in Palestine (West Bank). I will meet up with some other people and work alongside Elias and other Palestinian Christians. We'll be meeting people involved in reconciliation work and spending time in orphanages and refugee camps.

I'm reading up on the history and current status of Israel/Palestine. I'm trying to maintain an open mind and will try and keep the blog updated as I process what I see there.

Dream it all up again

2007-06-15T08:59:00.000Z

On December 30, 1989, U2 were closing the Joshua Tree tour. During the opening strains of 'Love Rescue Me', Bono said:

"It's no big deal, it's just -- we have to go away and ... and dream it all up again."

They went away for a few years and wrote my favourite album of all time- Achtung Baby.

Well I'm making a similar annoncement on behalf of NEBO. We have our last gig in Lavery's on Monday night before we have a 4 month break. In this time we'll be doing our own stuff (including world travel, producing offspring and side projects).

So come along Monday night and get a fix before we go away and dream it all up again.

(ok the scale is slightly smaller....)

Poisonwood

2007-06-08T18:11:00.000Z

Have returned from outdoor pursuits. It's the best part of my job, going away and having great craic with the kids rather than just being their teacher.

The time spent sitting in the corridor trying to get them to go to sleep enabled me to finish 'The Poisonwood Bible'- probably the best novel I have ever read (Douglas Coupland notwithstanding).

It is the story of an firebrand evangelical Baptist minister's who takes his family to the Congo in the late 1950s, entwining their fate with that of the country during three turbulent decades. His determination to convert the natives of the Congo to Christianity is doomed by his self-righteousness and lack of cultural understanding.

It is a fictional account set during actual events in the Congo. The language is evocative and beautiful. Every page contains something you could meditate on.

A constant theme seems to be the relationship between America and Africa. America who has taken the African people as slaves, drained her of her riches, taken control of her diamond and copper mines and used ‘aid’ money to bribe her dictators. It educated and angered me to a much greater level.

“If chained is where you have been, your arms will always bear the marks of the shackles. What you have to lose is your own story, your own slant. You’ll look at the scars on your arms and see mere ugliness or you’ll take great care to look away from them and see nothing. Either way, you have no words for the story of where you came from…we are our injuries as much as we are our successes.”

I should have written more about Africa on this blog. I feel a soul-tie with the place and find it hard to write about it without getting angry and ranting and boring everyone.

My younger wiser brother, Davymull, has just started blogging. Check out his thoughts on Somalia.

Our Shadow Self

2007-05-27T22:12:00.000Z

Some great thoughts thanks. The arrival of internet social networking seems to have a generation addicted to myspace/bebo/facebook/blogs. People can present themselves to the world, revealing (or making up) another dimension to their character.

Douglas Coupland is my hero. In an interview about his new book 'jPod' he said:

'In the future everybody will have their real selves and their shadow self that exists purely inside computers'

Do you think this is the case?

Anyway, I'm off to England for a school trip tomorrow for some absailing, raft building, quad bike racing, shooting, zip-lining, and trying to bring the same 30 kids home again. Click here for last year's update...... that means I've had this blog for a year now.....I'm still unsure of the point!

To blog or not to blog

2007-05-22T11:43:00.000Z

I've been wondering about the point of blogging since a discussion in Brian Heasley's a few weeks back.

My own blog began because I like writing and thought blogging would be a good outlet for it. After a while I kept getting religious nuts coming on and twisting what I was saying so I stopped writing about real issues and just stuck some pics up and talked about music.

Al's blog has provided him with support and catharsis but....
.....as I look at most other people's blogs it seems that whenever they write something new, interesting or profound nobody comments. But if they write something for a bit of craic then they get a load of people commenting.

Maybe the people who read blogs do so for escapism? The same reason that people watch soaps, big brother and read those crappy celebrity magazines where they compare how awful they look compared to the fit celebrities and how great they look compared to the fat cellulity ones.......maybe it's escapism from real life which is just too damn hard to be thinking about.

I also find it strange how friends, partners etc go on eachother's blogs and declare their love. Why not just tell them or send a text? Why does the WWW need to know??

Any thoughts on.....

Why we write blogs? Why we read blogs?

Hallelujah Avenue

2007-05-19T11:35:00.001Z

This song by Foy Vance has moved me so much since I first heard it in Dundalk's Spirit Store. This is a powerful unofficial video I spotted on youtube. Have a Jeff Duke.

She never was a fighter
Til he lay beside her.
And gently whispered hope

Jesus of the Scars

2007-05-04T13:54:00.000Z

Yesterday the mini-rugby team I coach won the Gilpin Cup- the most prestigious sports competition for local primary schools. Great reward for the hard work through the winter months.

Last night was a special gig with Julie Feeney, Foy Special, and Duke Special and the amazing Ulster Orchestra. Very different than Foy's and Duke's normal gigs but a feast for the senses never-the-less.

Normally I would have loads to say about these things but last night didn't feel normal. Though the past week has been eventful, I find it hard to do normal things, be normal places, read normal books/blogs etc when my mind is consumed with reminiscing about Lins and the pain that her passing has left on those closest to her. A pain that I can't come close to understanding. The grieving period, especially for them, is ongoing.

Stefan quoted from this poem (by Edward Shillito) in his prayer at Lindsay's funeral. Beautiful words.

If we have never sought, we seek Thee now
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;

We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow,

We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.

The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars, we claim Thy grace.

If, when the doors are shut, Thou drawest near,
Only reveal those hands, that side of Thine;
We know to-day what wounds are, have no fear,
Show us Thy Scars, we know the countersign.

The other gods were strong; but Thou wast weak;

They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;

But to our wounds only God's wounds can speak,

And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.

Grief observed

2007-05-01T11:32:00.000Z

I'm finding it difficult to think with any clarity these days. Nothing seems important beyond the loss of Lins and the grief of those closest to her (click here). I heard a song on the radio recently that summed up my feelings and prayers for them. It's called 'Revival' by Soulsavers. I'm not sure of their spiritual leaning (have sent off for the album so will let you know). It is beautiful. Check out the audio here.

Why am I so blind with my eyes wide open?

Now I need someone

Let this dark night be done

I need you so

Put an end to my suffering

I wanna see a revival tonight Lord

There needs to be a revival.

Lins

2007-04-24T18:58:00.000Z

There are many tributes and pictures on the blogs to the right. This is a girl who touched so many souls in a gentle and ethereal way. For me she was a pal who helped me lead cell, got me involved in Christian Aid and issues of justice and the poor (her the educated and wise one and me the mouthpiece) and a sister and wife to two amazing friends.

Tonight I'm praying and believing this for them:

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted,
saving those who are crushed in spirit.

Ps 34.18

Please pray

2007-04-19T21:03:00.000Z

I'm aware that most people that come here already read Al's blog but nothing else seems important to write except to ask you click here and pray for Lindsay, Al and family.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.

Romans 8:26 (The Message)

All over money, money, money, money, money.

2007-04-17T16:52:00.000Z

Blogging can be a terribly self-indulgent thing. However recently I have found it of great benefit on my journey. The 'rich' thing is not just a conversation of words for me. I'm really trying (and struggling) to work out practically how to live as a follower of Jesus in this area.

Some of the comments on the posts about 'counter-culture' and 'rich Christians' have both inspired me and wrecked my head.

Here are some thoughts/questions.
1. Poverty isn't the alternative to being rich. Just having enough is.
2. As Ivonne said, we need to reach wealthy people as well as the poor. How do we do this if there are no wealthy Christians?
3. Ricky and Brian speak of how God uses affluent Christians to bless others. I know that I and many of our young people would never have been able to go on the mission trips we have without the help of such people.
4. Nina eloquently points out that all of us in the west are rich. The solution is to be FREE (from the constraints of poverty and riches).
5. Gav contrasts Jesus' stories of the 'talents' and the 'sheep and goats'. Does God want us to prosper simply to help the poor?
6. Stefan wrote about the Hebrew understanding of justice, repentance, and redistribution in the Old Testament. This still confuses me somewhat as prosperity does seem to be a gift from God in the OT.

BUT
7. As my younger (wiser) brother Dave said, much of what Jesus says is "you have heard this (in the OT) but i now say this (as a New Testament)":

"How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God."
"Do not store up riches on the earth"
"No-one can serve two masters -God & money"

I feel a lot more informed on the issue but still seem to have more questions than answers. I love this verse....

'Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise I may have too much and disown you and say ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonour the name of my God.' (vv 7-9).
Proverbs 30

Any tips on how to make this practical?

Malia

2007-04-04T21:48:00.000Z

I found this old photo when I was moving house. It's one of my favourites for sentimental reasons. It captures a moment. We were fresh-faced 18 year olds, just finished school, on a coming of age holiday in Crete.

Shortly after this picture was taken we went our separate ways. Gav has been in Glasgow and Ross in Edinburgh and Dublin since then. 8 years later the bonds are still strong. I'm doing best man for Gav this summer and Ross is groomsman.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."

Bernard Meltzer.

Crumbs from your table

2007-03-25T13:50:00.000Z

Just moved past 10,000 visitors! To mark the occasion I have a simple question (following on from what I've been reading about redistribution and from a great comment by Ralf on my last post).

Does God want Christians to be rich?/Is God happy when Christians are rich?

Counter-culture

2007-03-19T11:12:00.000Z

I guess that's why God created highlighters, so we can highlight the parts of the bible we like and ignore the rest.

Returned from a great weekend at NUA. I have come home with a deep sense of dissatisfaction and anticipation.

Kind of started when I finished one of the best books I have ever read by Fergal Keane, 'All of These People'. An amazing journey into the human psyche by an Irish war reporter (his reflections of Africa will reduce any grown man to tears)

I'm currently reading Shane Claibornes 'Irresistible Revolution' (where the quote above came from). It's quite simple stuff but it scares the crap out of you. Like the story about the rich young ruler. We 'contextualise' this by explaining that Jesus is talking about love of money or making idols of our things. But what if he actually means it when he says 'sell all you have and give it to the poor'???

Another quote:

' I have come to see that the great tragedy in the church is not that Christians do not care about the poor but that Christians do not know the poor.'

In my head I'm thinking we need to find a balance here, just take some parts of what he's saying and relate it to real life. BUT THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT!. Either we do it or we don't. I don't really have many answers here and would appreciate comments (leave your name!).

What I have taken from NUA is that we are not called to be part of our culture, or to be a Christian sub-culture. We are called to be counter-culture. Jesus was. This has to affect our everyday choices in relation to our consumer driven world.

I'm not really sure what it means yet but it feels like it's getting dangerous.

Love and Peace

Amazing Grace

2007-03-06T17:52:00.000Z

Freedom day is coming up on Sunday 25th.

I was reading about it when I collided with one of my favourite quotes. The collision takes place in the person of John Newton. Newton, famous for penning 'Amazing Grace', seems something of a dichotomous character. Perhaps a Bono of the 18th century!

He was a slaveship master making his fortune off the coast of Sierra Leone. After a storm one night he converted to Christianity and gave up swearing, drinking and gambling but continued to trade slaves. Let's not be too hard on him. It was very normal in his day to support the slave trade. There's plenty of Christians about now who don't drink or curse but aren't too concerned about the poor either!

Anyway later in his life he realised his folly and fell into deep regret. He joined William Wilberforce in the abolitionist movement. Wilberforce was his protege. When he was going to leave parliament to become a missionary Newton told him that he should, "serve God where he was". Wilberforce heeded his advice and spent the next five decades successfully working for the abolition of slavery.

Newton said this:

I am not what I ought to be.
I am not what I want to be.
I am not what I hope to be.
But still, I am not what I used to be.
And by the grace of God,
I am what I am.

Love it!

To vote or not to vote.....

2007-03-01T19:35:00.000Z

...is the question on people's lips here.
I don't think you have a right to comment on issues in your country if you don't utilise your vote but at the same time it's damn hard to work out which of these muppets to vote for.

-I lived in a 'prod' bubble until I went to Uni but was always aware of the Celtic blood in my veins.
-I'd quite like a united Ireland but don't want former terrorists in government.
-I'd like more money for education.
-And a more of a focus on the developing world in norn irish politics.
but
-I would settle for a party who encourage people to love their neighbours... or at least coexist with them.

So who gets the vote? You decide...but let Wiggy help you....click here.

Shoulder to Shoulder!!!

2007-02-27T11:27:00.000Z

It's a bit late but what a day. The English and their anthem was fully respected before they were slaughtered on the pitch. Makes you proud to be Irish eh?

God is Green

2007-02-13T12:09:00.000Z

When in Norway I was challenged and inspired by my eco-friendly mate John Martin. I have been considering my response (and lack of response) as a believer towards climate change.

I’m teaching my kids about Global Warming and am struck by the fact that I was taught all of this when I was in primary school but society seems to have done damn all about it. I was even more angered to read that evangelical Christians in America adamantly support the Bush administration in downplaying the threat of global warming.

FACTS:
-By 2050, about 75 % of the glaciers in the Swiss Alps are likely to have disappeared.
-Climate change projections show an increasing likelihood of extreme weather events and climate extremes: floods, storms, famines and droughts.
-Those in the developing world will pay the price for the western world's energy consumption.
-In the coming year the first island will be wiped out as a direct result of global warming. It’s inhabitants are being evacuated.

Steve Stockman, at a conference I was at last week, claimed that we are the most selfish generation of people to ever live. We are ruining the earth for our children and grandchildren yet we carry on regardless.

How can I make any sort of impact? How can my recycling, sharing lifts, energy-saving light bulbs etc change anything when America and China are pumping vast amounts of pollution into the air every second? Well I don’t think we are given much of a choice, and in my every day choices and influences I feel I have to do what I can to protect this beautiful earth.

What a speel sorry! Check out Al Gore’s film, 'An Inconvenient Truth'. Much more convincing than I could ever articulate.

Also ‘God is Green’ on Channel 4 tonight looks like an interesting show.

Peace

Acrobat

Final postcard from the DRC- 5

Postcard from the DRC 4 - Born Survivors

Postcard from the DRC 3

Postcard from the DRC 2

Postcard from the DRC 1

Stories

Children of War

Storms

Resiliance

An army of child soldiers

Student again?

Goodbye Mr McMullen!

"Love left a window in the skies..."

Billy

Gaza

No Line on the Horizon

Procs

TOP 10

Hope?

A just war?

Taking sides??

Gaza

Mon the Biff!

Waltz with Bashir

Might makes Right

O'Bama?

Rememberance Sunday

Change

Hope part 2

Hope

check it out...

Equal

I'm lovin it???

Weddings, bears and brotherhood

Flobots

Prosperity Gospel

Webale Jesu

End of the Beginning

Africa

School

Into the Wild

This too shall be made right.....

That's My King

The Prosperity Gospel

True Spirituality

Davy and Sheena Mull

The Logic of Power

The Stupidity of Man

Justice for all?

UGANDA 2008

Silence is Golden

Kierkegaard, Bono and love.

TRUE 2008

O little town of Bethlehem

O little town of BethlehemHow still we see thee lieAbove thy deep and dreamless sleepThe silent stars go byYet in thy dark streets shinethThe everlasting LightThe hopes and fears of all the yearsAre met in thee tonight

Love, life and loss

Abstinence hurts??

Sheep and Goats

Saints and Sinners

Na na na na na na HEY!!

TRUE

Grace

Summer's End

All of us are stained.

COEXIST

Do I look suspicious?

The Only Way

Tent of Nations

'Welcome my friend'

Occupation

Palestine

Jerusalem, if i forget you

Day 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8

Day 2

Day 1

Thoughts on departure

War

An open mind

To the Middle East!

O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting Light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight